Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Top 5 Annoying Things This Month

1.Flabalanche: Actresses making a career out of going from "Porky Pig" to "Olive Oyl."..."I'm so happy being a size 18!" Then they loose the lard,"How I did it!" Then they are chubs again,"My new man loves junk in my trunk!" Get a real job Kristie Alley and Carnie Wilson.

2.Susan Boiled Over: I'm so sick of people saying, "You Tube sensation!" My rear end is a sensation, how about that? Read a damn book AND forget about that cat that can play piano.

3.Cruising For A Bruising: Why is Tom Cruise always running in every damn movie? I'm running out the movie exit door and want my $13.00 bucks back, bitch.

4.The Hills Have Thighs: Any Ho or Himbo bag that 'star' on the 'reality' TV shows; should really take a plane ride together, maybe the one that goes one way to "Lost" island.

5.Drugs Are Us: The cost of prescription drugs are a joke. Why is it that the guys that run drug companies are always ugly and wear cheap suits? I guess there's no pill for dork just yet; though I hear they're working on it; THIS DRUG MAY CAUSE: DROWSINESS, DIARRHEA, BUYING GUNS AT WALMART, BLURRY VISION, SEVERE ATTRACTION TO DOLPHINS.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Dwarf Wrestling Comes To TV. Pots Of Blood, Not Gold.

Spike TVs dwarf wrestling show targets socks with sandal's, male demographic.

The little people involved in "Half Pint Brawlers" are as dirty off camera as they are in the ring. When reached by phone, a 'Keebler elf" was asked his opinion of 'Brawlers" but hung up the phone after yelling, "Me cookies are burning!".

Some worry about the message the show is sending.

If you're at all sensitive about seeing someone get cash staple-gunned to his privates or 4-foot-tall wrestlers mauling each other while cheap-beer-drinking bar patrons egg them on, you might not be the target for the Spike network's series, "Half Pint Brawlers."

"Brawlers" are real life pocket sized wrestlers that run amuck in local cities. Some will turn their nose up at this kind of show but if you're into "Jackass"-style stunts, choreographed grappling matches and pants-dropping shenanigans, This is the show for you, besides you don't have a girlfriend anyway, do you?

Spike TV launches the six-episode show at 11 p.m. Wednesday (I could say that was a small order for a show but that would be too easy) It will follow a group of little nuggets, led by outspoken actor-comedian-entrepreneur-muffin pusher Steve Richardson, who goes by the stage name Puppet the Psycho Dwarf.

Richardson and his five 'Half Pint Brawler' cohorts travel the country performing at bars, nightclubs and sports arenas — and a Louisiana maximum-security prison — for a series that also captures their sassy shenanigans outside the ring. The guys haze the rookie in the crew, nicknamed Turtle, with gross style adventures that seem tailored for the mind not yet developed.

Spike TV, Hungry for its pursuit of the young male demographic, sees the show as a "character-based docu-soap," according to executive vice president of original programming Sharon Levy. "The pilot tested through the roof," she said. "You want to hang out with these guys." Hopefully they aren't paid in "Lucky Charms."

It's naive to think all Little People are chirpy, like to dance a jig, and make cookies and cakes (that are responsible for most of the lard asses in America.)

Call me naive-and a cab; I'll take my old school TV/ movie dwarfs any day over these nasty little buggers.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Betty White to drop her Depends for Playboy Magazine..

Betty White, 91, is getting more press these days then Miley Cyrus; will Betty really get naked for Playboy?

 Why is White so darn white hot? It’s simple; she’s a class act and funny as a roller skating crack head. Audiences are hungry for real talent these days, given the presses fascination with current crop of reality ‘stars’ who are desperately trying to stay in the press, and are running more scared then roaches when you turn on the kitchen light; real actors are back, bitch.

Nielsen Media Research provides statistics on specific demographics as advertising rates are influenced by such factors as age, gender, race, economic class, and area. Younger viewers are considered more attractive for many products- which mean, most actors, especially female are put out to pasture after 40. White proves these graphics wrong-most of her fans that watch ‘Golden Girls’ in reruns are in their teens to early 30’s. People like to laugh damn it, no matter how old the actor is.

Betty White proves that older female actors can get ratings -and that 18-49 demographic that advertisers have a hard on for. TV needs to understand if you have an older person on TV; they can be bawdy, dirty and modern. When White hosted "Saturday Night Live." With White hosting the usually unfunny and rather dull show, had its highest ratings in two years. I won’t even go through the ‘kids’ they had hosting ‘SNL’ that year; but let’s say they sucked and fell on their faces in every sketch. I love young people, but give some of the older ones a chance, they are usually more funny and out there, and they don't have to take off their clothes to get attention.

White has a new TV show on TV Land, "Hot in Cleveland", as a sassy, pot smoking landlady; now heading towards a fifth season. Rather White takes up the offer to drop her Depends for ‘Playboy Magazine’ remains to be seen, but I’d buy it if White was in it. St Olaf be damned!

Friday, June 4, 2010

Fat Ass? Dunkin' Donuts Gives Free Donuts On Friday.

Friday, June 4, is National Donut Day (as if you needed a reason to eat donuts!). As such, many popular donut retailers will be offering some incentives to head into their stores to scarf down saturated fat in all it's glory. How could you just have one I don't know, it's like men, they come in all flavors and sizes. Why am I hungry?

At Dunkin’ Donuts, each guest on Friday gets one free doughnut of his or her or drag queens choice with the purchase of any beverage. The company also will announce the winner of its second annual “Create Dunkin’s Next Donut” contest.

From almost 90,000 creations submitted online, a dozen portly finalists traveled by bus to Dunkin’ Donuts University(!) in Braintree, Mass-that somehow blew two tires on the way., to compete in a bake-off competition before Dunkin’ Donuts’ culinary team and company back fat leaders. One of the 12 finalists will win a $12,000 grand prize and have his or her or 'its' winning doughnut sold at Dunkin’ Donuts stores nationwide.

I don't know about you people, but i've been known to eat three of these beauties in one sitting. Granted you'll need some extra time on the cardio machine, but hell, life's all about living, and you haven't lived till you've had a boston cream and a good cup of coffee.