Monday, December 27, 2010

Beauty or Bullshit?

How does Christie Brinkley look so good for her age? People want to know. Most Stars of a certain age make commercials when they need money; promoting creams and crap that will make you look as good as them-so they say; the biggest secret to looking good over 40 is having money; nothing ages you like being poor.

Who doesn’t like to look good? Dogs don’t seem to care but humans; we tend to be vain beings-bent on enticing total strangers at the super market, with our expensive jeans and fancy perfume (usually made by people so poor; they sleep in bunk beds between working in factories that produce crap for fancy pants Americans)

Opening any magazine you’ll find a twenty-year-old paid model, bragging, “The Only Bags You Want Are Designer.” Recently many companies have been hiring older bitches to pitch their beauty stuff. With fuzzy lenses and whiteout presentation; one is supposed to think you can look just like her; if you can afford to cough up the $89.99 and the plastic surgeon.

For just $2,000 - $10,000 start-up fee; any prune-faced-fat-pocketed-go-getter can start their own beauty line; forget you Oil Of Olay! Vamoose Estee Lauder! Hello, Hudson's Wrinkle Exterminator.

“Anti-aging has never been hotter. Capitalize on this market because it’s unlikely to dwindle anytime soon.” So says

So what works and what doesn’t? is it really beauty these companies are selling or is it bullshit? Well the answer is both. Some creams improve the look of your skin, while others don’t do jack, and just to let you know; you can get a great wrinkle cream under $60.00; anything higher and you're just paying for the packaging and some Star's new ass.

Here’s the real secret to looking younger; enjoy what you do, and who you do it with. It’s amazing in 2013 we all think we can easily buy our beauty in a serum or cream, and though some of those can help a bit; the most instant beauty secret is love. Find it in a child’s laugh or the snuggle of your dog on a cold morning or even the softness of a lovers kiss; some even find love in bathroom stalls.

Regardless of where you find love, go out and experience it; you’ll be amazed when you look in the mirror and see the happy and beautiful person in it.

Hudson Taylor is a semi-attractive writer living in Manhattan.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Sarah Palin shoots Horses and Elk and Moose and…

   The world knows the name Sarah Palin. Several years ago she was just another wanna be waxy-faced politician, until John McCain picked her as his running mate in an ill attempt for the White House. When McCain lost to Obama, Palin became the first vice president in the running to become a huge star after the voting and bullshit promises were done.
Sarah Palin continues to make news several years later. If it’s not for coy answers to reporter’s questions about her possible run for president in 2012; it’s daughter Bristal and other non-working celebrities shaking their bunions on ABC’s hit show, “Dancing With The Stars.” Palin loves the spotlight like a lone fly on a tower of horse dong.

I don’t like Ms. Palin or dislike her. In my opinion she does what every politician does; works her party with bullshit statements that gives her followers hope-boners to support everything she writes or stars in. So I don’t have a problem with her politics, because all politicians are fake anyway; sorry kids. My problem with her is that she just shot to death, a poor caribou on her lame “Reality” show, “Sarah Palin’s Alaska.” Which has had gone down faster in ratings than the Titanic since it premiered weeks ago on TLC.

In this day and age to shoot a poor living thing is monstrous and anti American, you all. I’m not a vegetarian and wear leather shoes but I would never kill something just for fun or ratings. She should be denied her monthly Botox, and forced to watch Bristal dance the Macarena in a locked room for 3 months; then let out in the wilds of Alaska where she gets hunted and shot at for punishment.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised when her 16-year old kid (Willow) calls another teen a faggot on Facebook and Bristal (in a fight with Bi-sexual comedian Margret Cho, made a tasteless joke about K.D Lang and Margaret’s excitement seeing her) like mother, like daughter one could argue. Palin supporters will not change their mind about their rifle queen; because they are the kind of people who agree with homophobia and shooting animals to death in the wild as they scratch their balls and high five each other over the dead carcass.

Maybe Sarah Palin will become the next President of The United States of America; which is fitting given how much our country resembles a place where al-Qaida and Saddam Hussein could call home. With airport body searches, security camera’s on streets and politicians, who show their power by crushing animals and minorities. Maybe the terrorist have won; or maybe we can do what President Bush said to do in times of stress after 911, “Keep shopping.” Keep shopping Sarah Palin because I’m not buying you.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Top 4 Wacky Dates of 2010.

1. Forget Me Not: This guy found me on MySpace. He wrote me a very long message. Said he dumped me years ago and had now "grown up" and would I give him another chance? After hesitation I agreed and we set up a date. Never heard from him again.

2. Sticky Fingers: I met this guy online. He seemed cool but distant. I learned why on our first date; he was missing four fingers.

3.Blabalina Jones & The Temple Of Get Me Outta Here: This one showed up drunk, with no money, demanded to know how my family made thier money and told me, "I had my first gangbang at this very bar." If you can belive it; he still thought I should give him another chance!

4. This Dudes For You: We met at Starbucks. He said I had nice eyes as we sipped over priced burnt coffee. We had a lot in common and he laughed at everything I said. I looked into his blue eyes and dreamed of our future. He said he had a boyfriend who didn't understand him. I said go screw yourself.