Wednesday, December 28, 2011

6 Biggest Disappointment’s of 2011

1. Sarah Palin: She gave her supporters hard-ons and ultimately no release when supposedly running for the White House. As her fans waited; Palin shot some poor animals; got more Botox, and tried to sell a reality show to the networks about her brain dead hubby’s fishing trips.

2. Beyonce: I like her, but her new album 4 sucked. B’s record company knew they had a bomb on their hands and tried to release single after single; all ignored by radio and most of the public; advice to B; you’re great; spend time with rug rat and enjoy sometime out of the spotlight.

3. Tim Tebow: It’s nice to see a football player into praying instead of the usual; banging skanks, but every time he kneels on the playing field-praying to God to win a game, I have roll my eyes; God has better things to do-plus he always loses anyway; try practicing more Tebow.

4. Apples: finding out that 80% of all the apples sold in the USA are grown in China gave me constipation; if America can’t even produce apples-an American symbol, then why do we even complain about the economy; when we all had a hand in making other countries rich bitches.

5. Pork-tresses: Kirstie Alley; Carnie Wilson; Jennifer Hudson; have all done poorly this year when it comes to having a hit; now they’re career is selling the “secret” on how they did it; these fakers don’t diet; they got their stomachs stapled; they’re stretch marks must look like highway lines.

6. Liz Taylor’s Death: She was famous for many reasons: beauty; talent; scandal; marriages; weight; perfume, jewelry. In 1985, before any other celebrity would say the word AIDS, Ms. Taylor along with Dr. Mathilde Krim and a small group of physicians came together to form the American Foundation for AIDS Research (amfAR).
   In 1991, she started her own organization, The Elizabeth Taylor AIDS Foundation, to support the provision of direct AIDS services and complement the research, education, and advocacy programs supported by amfAR. Some told Ms.Taylor at the time before amfAR, that she would ruin her career if she associated herself with AIDS; she did it anyway and thanks to her she has helped save millions of lives by getting attention to a cause that had hundreds dying by the day. Many will remember her for superficial reasons; I’ll remember her for having the courage to say, “Something has to be done.” One day when our children’s-children are around and free of ever contacting AIDS, Some of the thanks will belong to Liz Taylor.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Why Do Republicans Pretend To Hate Gay People?

My hubby showed me this trick.

When President Bush left office his daughter Barbara didn’t waste time in coming out with a commercial, supporting gay marriage; soon followed by her mother Laura. I think it was great that they did it, but would have loved if they used the last year in the White House to do it. President Bush was not big on the gays and many kids suffered for it.

When someone in the public eye looks down on another community, it jeopardizes lives and makes dim bulbs have a good reason to hurt and kill people. Why do politicians make statements condemning gays? For freaking votes; a politician will kiss a bean- burrito-eating monkeys butt hole for votes, that’s the truth.

Republicans are fighting it out now to see who will win the primary to go up against President Obama. The debates that I’ve seen so far resemble one of the “Housewives” reunions TV shows on Bravo; botoxed faces; rehearsed speeches; attack on moral character from someone with no morals; I’m surprised Michelle Bachmann doesn’t overturn a table or that Mitt Romney doesn’t cry and walk off the set.

Liza waits for a phone call; any phone call.
To be fair President Obama hasn’t exactly welcomed gays with a Liza Minnelli night; I think his wife Michelle has been more leveled in her support for gays, but he does seem to be softening up. Republicans tend to be conservative; hating anything that “Ma and Pa” in little towns wouldn’t like.

What does gay marriage mean to people who hate it? It means that they will have to except gay people as human beings, and that gay people belong beside them and not beneath them as these candidates preach. Gay marriage will make them realize certain things about themselves. I think a lot of these people that appose gay marriage and say it’s about saving children and the constitution of marriage really just have their own personal agenda; some of them have homosexual feelings and are trying to destroy their own desires through destructive speeches and campaigns. Slave masters kept slaves and looked down on black women, but a lot of them sure loved raping and having sex with them.

Michelle's hubby pretends he-no-likey; he likey.
Michelle Bachmann seems to hate the gays the most; her hubby runs a “pray away the gay,” seminar at his Christian clinic and is rumored to be a self hating homosexual himself. I imagine she thinks she hates gay people, but she probably just hates that her husband has to get drunk to make love to her.
Newt Gingrich seems to be the sneakiest looking candidate; if you watch newsreel’s of him, you can’t help notice that after awhile he starts to smirk; he’s probably thinking: suckers!
Rick Perry, dressed (probably by a gay) wears Health Ledgers jacket from “Brokeback Mountain,” put out his own commercial to condemn gay marriage on Youtube; it got the most dislikes in Youtube history.
Hey girl!
Mitt Romney (who’s rumored to have a gay son) was recently at a Manchester diner, and sensing a great photo opportunity, went over to an elderly man to ask him about his tour in Vietnam but Mr. Garon — who was accompanied by his husband — wanted to know if Romney would back efforts to repeal the law that legalized gay marriage in the state. Romney replied, “Marriage is between a man and a woman.” Right, so Kim Kardashian can get married for 72 days, her second marriage mind you, great values.

In this day and age no one should get elected who gets on video saying that don’t approve of a minority groups lifestyle. When you are running for the president of the united states, you are running as the president of every American, may they be black; white; gay; Bi; straight; Smurf; whatever. People seem to forget that it’s the issues of the country that matter, and not someone’s sexual preference. If a Presidential candidate cannot support ALL Americans, he or she should not qualify to run. America will never get out of the doldrums of financial hell if we don’t stick up for individual freedom.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Want To Help The Economy? Buy American Made Products.

Mark Sanchez born in Long Beach, CA USA 
With 12 days left to Christmas I got to thinking about all the money Americans spend on items not made in the USA. Of course I don’t expect everyone, including myself to buy only American made things (try buying electronics made in the USA) but we as a country need to keep money in the USA as well, and support American workers by shopping for USA made products.

World News with Diane Sawyer is gearing up for a "Made in America Christmas." I think it’s a great idea; put down your eggnog for a moment and read these facts:

The average American will spend $700 on holiday gifts and goods this year, totaling more than $465 billion, the National Retail Federation estimates. If that money was spent entirely on US made products it would create 4.6 million jobs. But it doesn't even have to be that big. If each of us spent just $64 on American made goods during our holiday shopping, the result would be 200,000 new jobs; so what’s stopping you, lazy pants?

Here’s a list of some products made in the USA. Sadly these were a few of the ones I recognized. I would love it if some big shit designer would stop being so greedy, and open a manufacturing warehouse for his/her clothes in the USA as most of the Made In USA fashions look like they were designed Godzilla, if he had a job at Walmart.

See’s: This is the shit when it comes to candy; after you try See’s you’ll forget all about Godiva. For Christmas they have wonderful Egg Nog Truffles, Mincemeat Creams, Cranberry Orange Truffles and Pecan Pie Truffles; it’s better than sex.

Mincemeat Cream, yummy 4 you're tummy made in USA
American Apparel: Clothes. Ok so the people who usually work here are wacky looking, but they have some cool stuff if you want to be a hip bitch or sly stud.

Black Gold Pet Food: Premium professional dog food. I haven’t tried it, or I should say my dog hasn’t but I’ll buy it and see if my dog gives it a wags up.

JIFFY: baking mixes in the little blue boxes. I must admit I gave you up my old friend for Sara Lee, but know that I know Sara Lee is a Ho and most of her ingredients are from overseas, I’ll be your friend again Jiffy.

*Pyrex: Glassware, baking etc. When I was a boy, my mom backed her famous Tuna Casserole in a Pyrex dish; that survived her death and my 20’s until I dropped it and broke it 5 years ago. I love Pyrex for baking, and I do a lot of baking; Pyrex products last forever and look good on your shelf.

Kiehls: Skin care for women and men. Powerful-Strength Line-Reducing Concentrate makes people think I’m younger than I am; it kicks wrinkles in the ass.

Your Christmas should be however you like it to be, it could be with family, friends or even a romantic trip with a loved one. Whatever you decide to do I hope you enjoy it, and keep your eyes open about where your food is coming from, now let's get drunk and merry!

*A few Pyrex products aren’t made in USA, read your labels.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Happy Gas-Giving, My Mom Blows Up The Turkey.


*My mom fancied herself a good cook; just like Dina Lohan fancies herself young, and a good mother. One Thanksgiving I watched as my mom stood at the kitchen table bathing a turkey with margarine; its false yellowness shining. If the turkey wasn’t already dead, it would have drowned in hydrogenated oils; my family was raised on preservatives with a double dash of cholesterol, salt and tears.

She made two boxes of Stove Top stuffing that was way too much for a 15-pound bird. My mom was not one to think too much about things. In fact, I believe our family motto was: Do first, think later; Of course I told her she was making too much stuffing; she gave me a dirty look; ashes dangling from her cigarette as she stuffed the birds behind.

“What the hell do they know?”

“But mom, the directions are there for a reason.”

“Oh, please! I’ve been stuffing turkey’s asses before they were born."

I sat at the kitchen table and looked at the three cans that held the vegetables that were supposed to give us a dose of healthiness. As I remembered it these vegetables always withered on my fork before they even made the journey into my mouth.

I tried to help my mom so I opened the can of sweet potatoes and let them hit the pan. The color was a shade of orange I’ve never seen and worst yet they smelled funny. The rest of the so-called sweet potatoes plopped out with a struggle; I guess they didn’t want to go voluntarily and needed coaxing.

I was disappointed; instead of the juicy ripe sweet potatoes that were pictured on the can, what sat there resembled a pile of horse manure that fell into a pot of orange Jell-O. Looking at the can’s label there was a golden brown turkey in the background and ripe sweet potatoes upfront. Studying the picture more closely I saw in fine print that this was just a serving suggestion, and it wasn’t their problem if you thought you were going to have mouth watering sweet potatoes and they took no responsibility if they sucked.

55 to 60 minutes later there was a noise like splat and I could hear my mom cursing.

“Oh shit, God damn it!”

I came downstairs to see the kitchen a mess and the stove looking like a bomb had gone off inside of it. The turkey had blown up.

“Shit. Don’t just stand there Hudson, help me,” my mom said.

The stuffing was like lava as it bubbled out of every pore of the oven, some even flew up to the cabinets that were over the kitchen sink. Maybe now when the lava stuffing was wiped, the cabinets would get cleaned for once.

I tried to help her wipe the mess up but the damage was so explosive it was hard to know where to start; some had even made it on poor Duke, our dog, who tried to reach the oily matter that was on his back with his tongue.

“I knew I should have bought a Butterball, never had no trouble with a fucking Butterball!” my mom said, making the sign of the cross.

As I tried to wipe the top of the oven I noticed that my mom had put the oven on broil and not the recommended 350 degrees.

“Mom, this is on broil, that’s too high—that’s why the stuffing got so hot and popped.”

“Balls, I’ve done it a hundred times before, damn turkey is no good.”

“The directions say 350! 350!” I yelled, pulling them out of the garbage and showing the torn plastic to her.

“What the hell do they know? I’ve been stuffing turkeys assess for over forty years!”

Save room for the pumpkin pie or the Gas-X

*Excert from "There's A Bastard Born Every Minute" a new book  by Hudson Taylor
 “I know, I know-How about Pizza Pizza!” I said, doing my best Amy Sedaris as “Jerri Blank” impression; before I even knew who Amy Sedaris was. Unfortunately everything was closed because of Thanksgiving.

We had the only thing that was in the refrigerator-hot dogs and baked beans. Franks & beans; it was one Happy Gas-Giving I’d never forget.

Years later as I prepare Thanksgiving dinner im reminded of my mom and her turkey massacre; it makes me teary eyed that she is gone, but I always smile when I think of this story.


Thursday, November 10, 2011

Penn State Pissed Because Coach Fired Over Boys Rape

Buds Sandusky & Padterno laugh it up, soon they might not be laughing in jail.

Penn State students react to Paterno's getting fired. Amazing; anyone here think about the poor boys who got abused? I guess not; the only thing on thier minds is a stupid football game.
All of the men involved in covering up these childrens rape are just as guilty as Sandusky; if not more, Sandusky is a sick f*!k, these other men should know right and wrong and I hope they all go to jail; no matter thier status in society or the playing field. I understand a lot of people are upset Padterno got canned, he was a upstanding guy in the game of sports; well he was a horrible human being for not turning in his perverted friend, and in the end, it's the game of life that truly matters.

Ditzy actor Ashton Kutcher sent out tweets defending Padterno; when someone explained to Kutcher why Padterno got the boot, Kutcher eraced his love of Padterno tweets and shut up, finally, hopfully he'll stay off Twitter and go back to playing stupid on TV, screwing skanky girls and making those stupid camara TV comercials we all hate.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Are Manners and Joyce DeWitt Dead?

DeWitt spends her time these days fending off foot fetish people; who for some reason love her buinon's. Google Joyce DeWitt feet and you'll get web sights and forums raving about Dewitt dogs.
    Coming out of the gym today I opened the door for a frizzy haired redhead; instead of thank you the redhead just gave me a dirty look. I have to say this pissed me off. Why couldn’t she utter thanks before she worked on her thighs? I feel like the art of saying please; excuse me; thank you; has been replaced by arrogance and annoyance. Does it really hurt to be polite?
Sometimes I leave the island of Manhattan and go to a smaller city. Doors are held open; smiles are given without wanting something in return. It throws me off until I get use to it. If you live long enough in New York you kind of morph into an un-thoughtful jerk, if you’re not careful.

On the American citizenship test, foreigners are required to learn things most American born people don’t know or care about like, “Who wrote the Star-Spangled Banner?” and “What is the judiciary branch of our government?” Do many Americans know the answers, I don’t.

I personally think manners should be a requirement on citizenship test. Certain cultures don’t require you to cover your mouth when you cough or wear deodorant in the summer. So instead of people learning about how many stars there are on our flag, why not teach them American manners; controversial? Yes; someone coughing in your face on a crowded subway? Gross.

In life you’re always going to have your sour apples and nasty people. We all have our days and that’s understandable. New York is crowded and busy. I’m just saying; let’s show each other a little respect and curtsey; it really doesn’t hurt I promise.

Joyce DeWitt is alive; she hasn’t acted much since Three’s Company went off the air in 1984. On July 4, 2009, DeWitt was arrested in California, and cited for drunk driving; I hope Jack, Chrissy or Mr. Furley never find out.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

“Revenge,” Is Worth The Drama. “Desperate Housewives,” Should Be Evicted Sooner.

New series “Revenge” gives you the right amount of scenery; hot guys/hot girls, juicy twist & turns and enough quotable lines to keep you laughing around the water cooler the next day.

“Desperate Housewives,” limps to its final season and has become so boring you can miss two episodes, and it doesn’t matter. The writers right off should be smacked upside the head for wasting the talents of Vanessa Williams. Mrs. Williams was first introduced as a sexy man-eater; she was hired to add heat after Nicollette Sheridan was canned like a tomato, but instead of rising temperatures the writers have turned her character into a nosy neighbor who can’t get a man; hello, have the writers seen Vanessa Williams? I’m gay and she could steam my milk anytime.

VanCamp gives her famous icy stare.

“Revenge,” centers on a young woman who is welcomed into a community (The Hamptons) filled with people who don't know; she's only there to seek revenge on those who had destroyed her & her family. To be honest at first I wasn’t sold on Emily Van Camp as the lead, but after a couple of episodes I’ve come to love her and get why she’s perfect for the role. I think people are responding to “Revenge.” Because; A. Good writing. B. Haven’t we all wished we could plot revenge on someone who hurt us; wouldn’t it be fun, just a little bit?

ABC has picked up “Revenge,” for a full season and why not? It’s kicked the panties off its competition (CBS’s CSI and NBC’s Law & Order: Special Victims Unit) Watch “Revenge”; it’s a great show that will have you wanting more like a good piece of chocolate cake.

Revenge hunks; i'll take two of them and call you in the morning.

Madeleine Stowe sizes up the new bitch in town.

When the show was fun, not a snore fest.

Desperate Housewives, for its last season seems content to bore its audience with mediocre writing and hammy acting from its leads, who all seem bored with their parts; I don’t blame you ladies; I’ve fell asleep twice watching this season. When DH first came on the air it was fresh and fun; it was also great to see a show with four women over 40, being the leads of a TV show and not neglected to playing third banana; which often means playing the role of a crazy old whore or worse yet; boring mom. Unfortunately time has not been kind to the women of Wisteria Lane; hopefully creator Marc Cherry is saving some good stuff for the end of the season.

Revenge airs Wednesday nights at 10: pm on ABC.

Desperate Housewives airs Sunday nights at 9: pm on ABC.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

What The Hell Happened to George Michael?

   Once full of talent; now full of booze, pills and toilet paper on his feet. George Michael seems to have become more famous for his brushes with the law then his music. It seems like only yesterday Michael let his highlights grow out; threw out his razor and went solo, releasing his “Faith” album (actually it was released in 1987) that pooped out four number one hits. Many have wondered how someone so attractive, rich and talented fell so low.

April 7, 1998, he was arrested for "engaging in a lewd act" in a public toilet in a park in Beverly Hills, California. After pleading "no contest" to the charge, Michael was fined $810 and sentenced to 80 hours of community service.

July 23, 2006. Michael was again accused of engaging in anonymous public sex, this time at London's Hampstead Heath. The anonymous loverboy was later discovered to be 58-year-old Norman Kirtland, an unemployed van driver. Michael admits he cruises for anonymous sex and that this was not an issue in his relationship with partner Kenny Goss. I don’t get it; someone with his money could have many men at his disposal, but I guess stinky restrooms make his knickers too heavy to stay up.

Michael’s thirst for bathroom BJ’s and brushes with the law didn’t faze him and he started ranking up more arrests then hits; On February 26, 2006, Michael was arrested for possession of Class C drugs. 2007 Michael was arrested in London, after motorists reported a car obstructing the road at traffic lights. He pleaded guilty on May 8, 2007 to driving while unfit through drugs. He was banned from driving for two years, and sentenced to community service. September 2008, Michael was arrested in a public toilet in the Hampstead Heath area of London for possession of Class A and C drugs. He was taken to the police station and cautioned for substance possession.

In the early hours of July 4, 2010, the surly former superstar was spotted driving erratically in North London and was arrested on suspicion of being unfit to drive after reports that his car crashed into a building. On August 12, 2010 London police said he was "charged with possession of cannabis and with driving while unfit through drink or drugs"; to make driving even more rewarding, Michael had also been taking the prescription medication Amitriptyline. Damn, is there an APP that can warn you when Michael is driving? So I can stay off the road and streets when he is behind the wheel.

On September 14, 2010 Michael was sentenced to eight weeks in prison, a fine, and a five year ban from driving. Michael was released from Prison on October 11, 2010, after serving four weeks (Since Michael loved to cruise for sex around toilets so much; that must have been the best four weeks of his life. “Someone drop the soap?” He could only wish.

With numerous arrests for public sex and drug addiction; can Michael ever make another album as great as “Faith”? Or will his narcissism, like a modern day Elvis Presley destroy his once brilliant career?

Everyone has their problems. Addiction is a sickness and can be hard to cure but the ill person has to want to reform. Most celebrities like to throw a pity party by appearing on People magazine detailing their tragic past; most of them would take a crap in Saks Fifth Avenue if it would guarantee press and attention.

Of course some celebrities have, and have had it really hard, but you still can’t compare their hardships to a woman working two jobs, trying to make money to care for three kids without a husband. Celebrities are given many chances and if your attractive and making money, you’re given the world, so I don’t want to hear any excuses about their childhood, or thieving lovers. The truth is we have no choice in our past, but the future is in our own hands.

I want George Michael to make a comeback, but he’ll have to stop being so self indulgent to do it. Until then I’ll just play “Faith” and remember when George was hot; I had pimples and Dynasty was on Wednesday nights.

As we went to press, George Michael started a fall/winter tour in Europe to sparkling reviews. Word is he has two new albums coming out soon. Wake Me Up, and I hope you never GO GO.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

American Horror Story; Makes U Want More Cake; Like A Fat Couple On A Cruise.

Dylan MeDermott gets naked; and we likey.

Just when the new fall TV season seemed to deliver notable break out hits like, “Two Broke Girls.” And bombs that made you limp, like NBC’s recently cancelled “The Playboy Club.” comes FX to the rescue with an original idea with a typical story; conflicted couple moves into weirdly cheap house that has a bad history and weird neighbors, who never knock.

Most writers fail after crashing from their M&M highs in the writing room and tend to give their characters typical things to say; not so when it comes to the “Laverne & Shirley” of writing and directing, Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk; both make American Horror Story freshly terrifying, if not odd, sexual, nasty and exciting. The first two episodes had me gasping after the first thirty minutes and wanting more like a Crack addict.

Jessica Lange steals every scene that she’s in with nasty zingers that would make Bette Davis in “All About Eve” blush. American Horror Story has everything a true fan of the macabre could thirst for; blood; creepy people; strange sex; an old maid, who looks young to the horny husband (Dylan McDermott); ghost twins; a leather suit; “Freddy Kruger” looking old tenant standing in the yard while you masturbate(!); oh, and a old/young girl with bad bangs; who keeps popping in on mom (Connie Britton) to let her know, ”You’re going to die in this house.”

In this age of, seen it all; done him/her all, that we live in; it’s nice to find a freaky show that has you guessing; and guessing what the funk will happen next.

American Horror Story airs Wednesday on FX @ 10: pm.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

New Fall TV Shows; “The Ringer.” Should be disconnected, “The Secret Circle,” Puts a spell on you.

   Sarah Michelle Gellar returns to TV after starring on “Buffy The Vampire Slayer” for 7 seasons. Unfortunately she has decided to return to TV in the badly written snore fest titled “The Ringer.” SMG plays sisters, one rich, one poor-all bore. Basically the poor one takes over for the rich when the rich pretends she’s dead. The poor one was a hooker/stripper and is running from the mob but is the “nice and sweet one” (who was her pimp, Mr. Rogers?) also wasted is the great Nestor Carbonell from “Lost” (who has better eyelashes than any Maybelline chick in a commercial) Carbonell isn’t given much to do but look bewildered and stare at papers most of the shows.

Geller is miscast here and it painfully shows; though she plays twins, Geller plays the roles boringly the same with the only difference being outfit changes; lame; you'd think she would sass it up as the sleezy one, but no. Catching up with the show as of 2012 shows they have at least givin Geller a blonder wig to play the slutty, or is that nutty twin?

In the end I have to say who cares about any of it. This show will go down faster than Dina Lohan after the bar is closed; I look forward to the next great thing SMG does; she deserves better. If you’re out of Ambien try watching “The Ringer.”

I have to say I’m never been a fan of TV shows starring a bunch of generic teenagers who all look alike, so I was apprehensive in watching the pilot for “The Secret Circle.” To my surprise “Circle” is fun, interesting and highly watchable, unlike The Ringer; you care about these characters and want to find out what happens next.

Unlike most youth centered shows “Circle” has fresh faces that do more than pout through their scenes. “Cassie Blake’s” mother dies under mysterious circumstances so she returns to her mother’s hometown, and finds out she is a witch with secret powers; she must stay in a witch’s coven to protect herself from various baddies, one being the great Gale Howard, who gives nasty a new name.

As of 2012 the show is still good; of course there is a stupid storyline with one of the twink witches going to a psychic (a cute psychis at that but corny) Also great was seeing Stepfanie Kramer from "Hunter" fame, pop up as sexy-maybe bad-maybe good witch grandma (The Secret Garden has the hottest looking parents and grannies you've ever seen on TV)

If “Circle” can keep up the twist and turns it will have a permanent place in my DVR, and my nightmares.

The Ringer airs Tuesday’s @ 9: pm on CW

The Secret Circle airs Thursday’s @ 9: pm on CW

Update: May 2012. Both shows were cancelled after just one season.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Like Apple Juice? Like The Arsenic That’s In It?

   Recent product safety tests commissioned by the New York consumer advocacy group, Empire State Consumer Project, showed high ass levels of arsenic in a sample of Mott’s brand apple juice to be more than 5 times the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency’s legal limit for safe drinking water. Apple juice, a favorite of many, is especially given to children and the very old; so if we don’t kill you when you’re a baby, we’ll get you on your way out.

Arsenic is a natural substance and can be found naturally at very low levels in soil, plants and drinking water, and most people in the world are exposed to minute amounts of this naturally-occurring arsenic without serious consequences. However, factory pollution and repeated agricultural use of animal poisons and pesticides containing arsenic can cause water and soil to become contaminated with levels of arsenic well above the natural norm.

The EPA limits arsenic in drinking water to 10 parts per billion; the Empire State Consumer Project tests revealed one sample of Mott’s juice to contain 55 parts per billion of arsenic — well above the EPA’s “safe” level for water. Chronic exposure to sub-poisonous levels of arsenic has been linked to an increased risk of skin cancer, lung cancer, liver damage and birth defects in children.

Many U.S. distributors of apple sauce and apple juice — including some organic brands and many brands that are marketed directly to children — source some or all of their apples from Chinese orchards. China is the world’s largest apple producer and controls an estimated 80% of the world’s apple export market. So what the hell are all of these farms in the USA growing these days if most of our fruit comes from China? Oh that’s right instead of fruit and vegetables; a lot of farms you drive by in places like Allentown Pennsylvania and Missouri grow Puppies; so instead of corn on the cob, Ma and Pa Kettle are breeding poor animals, with the mother dogs kept in cages their whole life breeding babies until they die. Some dogs get rewarded by getting let out of their cages to get shot in the head when their “growing season” is over. I guess that’s the reason why the barn is always painted red; hides blood stains.

So what do you do? Stop drinking apple juice? I think it's a good idea to read your juice labels. I dont' think i'd drink any juice not made in the USA knowing this information; maybe it’s best to buy only organic or just drink water with fruit juice in it. So if you have kids and they have only one juice a day, the levels of arsenic won’t be too bad; but what if you have a child who loves to have their “Juicy Juice” or “Cuddle Bear Juice,” 3 or 5 times a day?

Dr. Mehmet Oz, the host of "The Dr. Oz Show," aired a segment Tuesday on his popular TV show about high levels of Arsenic in Apple Juice. Dr. OZ wondered why the FDA hasn't set a limit on arsenic in apple juice.

The FDA fired back at Dr. Oz on both its website and Facebook page, saying there is some arsenic in apple juice, but most of it occurs naturally and is safe and delicious.

Dr. Oz countered that claim, saying even adults need to be careful.

Zachary Adam Cohen-My Fox NY reported, Cohen a noted strategist and local foods advocate, agreed. He said trying to figure out where the apples in your juice come from is especially tough. He said a lot of processed food labels won't say where the ingredients are grown and picked. So I guess in the end it’s up to us to decide what’s safe or not.

The FDA states that the apple juice is fine and we always want to believe everything the government says right...right?

I wonder how many servings of apple juice the employee’s of the FDA give their children?

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Blondie Panic Of Girls new album; 5 Stars.

BLONDIE IS BACK with a brand new album titled Panic of Girls. Unlike some classic groups who seem satisfied with singing for their supper with old hits; Blondie refreshes themselves by putting out a new album that keeps their classic sound, without seeming dated or forced; which pretty much means, the competition can kiss their age.

New hot singles “Mother,” and “What I Heard.” shows Blondie has no trouble being in 2011 and can churn out better singles then most of their younger contemporaries and should get radio play. Hot tracks like, “Wipe Off My Sweat.” sung in Spanish and “Le Bleu” sung in French should have the gay boys dancing and crying at the bars soon. "D-Day" shows the spark left in Blondie and one of the best songs EVER made.

Blondie has always been a group that is hard to place; I think that’s why they have trouble getting recognized for their unique talent to sing so many styles without sounding foolish.

Debbie Harry 2011

Debbie Harry 1978

Tracks like “Love Doesn’t Frighten Me.” And “D-Day.” show Blondie in a sassy Rock mood and it comes off swimmingly well.

No other group has had so many hits in different genres of music than Blondie, “In The Flesh,” 1960’s girl group twang with a punk edge; “Heart of Glass.” Dance floor Disco-take your birth control; “One Way or Another,” A rocking obsessive odyssey; “Sunday Girl,” Easy Listening at its sexiest; “Call Me,” European Dance Rock & back again; “Tide is High,” Reggae tell off pop. “Rapture,” Slow & sexy Rap, and the first Rap song to go number 1; “Maria,” pure pop at its finest; “Good Boys,” Club Music for sex in a bathroom stall.

Of course part of the success and sometimes failure of Blondie can be attributed to Debbie Harry; who at 66-years old looks younger than a 25-year-old Lindsey Lohan. Mrs. Harry might have a couple of new wrinkles and not dance very well on stage, but listening to her voice makes you think of grade A honey and like a fine wine has gotten better with age.

Debbie Harry 2011

Some other stand out tracks on Panic of Girls include, “Girlie Girlie,” & “Sunday Smile”. “China Shoes.” is another brilliant song that should get Blondie the “Grammy” they deserve; Lady Gaga has announced that “China Shoes.” is her favorite and people should buy Panic of Girls just alone for it.

Blondie 2011

Blondie’s new album is just as good as their classics, if not better. Another problem with Blondie is people don’t give their new stuff proper listen, as their classics get pumped out every couple of years with new Greatest Hits cds; many Blondie songs are still played in current movies, TV ads, radio and back seats of cars as horny teenagers played doctor.

Will this CD hit? Probably not, given Blondie's shitty managment and radio's ignorance with any singer over 50-years-old. So lets support bands like Blondie; they don't make them like this anymore.

Panic of Girls arrives in stores and online September 13; buy it, download it, just get a hold of it.

Friday, August 26, 2011

At Funeral, Dog Mourns The Death Of Navy Seal Killed In Afghanistan

Jon Tumilson, a Navy Seal, was one of 38 Americans killed in Afghanistan on Aug. 6 when a rocket-propelled grenade destroyed a U.S. helicopter. He was mourned at a service in Rockford, Iowa, attended by 1,500 family members, friends-and Hawkeye, Tumilson's loyal dog.
The Labrador retriever was such an important part of Tumilson's life that his friends and family often referred to the dog as his “son.”
When Tumilson's buddy Scott Nichols walked to the front of the room to speak, Hawkeye followed, lying next to his “dads” coffin, letting out a big sigh, according to observers. Hawkeye laid by the casket for the entire funeral.
War is senseless in so many ways; I could argue 20 reasons why Jon Tumilson shouldn’t have been fighting this war but it wouldn’t matter. Tumilson’s family and friends will have to grieve for their fallen son, brother, uncle, cousin, friend, in a way that fits their individual personality.

For one lonely dog named Hawkeye, his suffering will be done in silence.


Monday, August 22, 2011

Lazy Lover

   THE EVENING WAS going so good I almost wished something bad would happen. He was smart, cute, sarcastic and had all his teeth; totally my type. When a drunken straight girl barged her way into our booth and made us sit closer I felt the electricity from his corduroy pants leg; this dude could be the jelly to my peanut butter; the Spam to my eggs; the Cipro to that groin itch.

In my bed after we exhausted foreplay; I asked him about his lacking “Monica Lewinsky” type skills; his reply, “I don’t really do it that well, so I always give up, my last three boyfriends cheated on have a diet Coke?”

I let it drop and we finished our dance. Later when he was gone and I was brushing my teeth I had to think that was a poor answer. He is 32-years-old; when does one get good at such a thing; 80-years –old? And then you can take out your teeth; so it doesn’t mean you’re better at it; it means you’ve worked around your lack of oral talent.

I agreed to a second date, but my hesitation is, maybe he just sucks in bed. I definitely met people before that were great at everything but sex, kissing or intimacy. That my friend could admit his shortcomings was kind of refreshing, but disappointing that he couldn’t give it the old college try.

Our next date was scheduled 9 days later-thanks to his busy schedule. As the days drag on now I wonder how to make him better. Should I bring a cucumber for him to practice on? Maybe that’s too much; maybe I should start with a pickle or if he’s that much of a wuss; maybe a gherkin?

Saturday is only a few days away but seems like months. Will the second try be better or will he sink into oblivion like many others before him? When Saturday came he didn’t call me and I didn’t call him; so I made other plans. Later in the day he texted, “what was up.?” I thought it’s more like, what went down after his terrible performance.

I really think I should tell him how much he sucks in bed; I’m known to do as much with other people. I find it my duty to tell people what other people won’t say. I decide not to tell him; let him bore some other unsuspecting lover boy in the sheets; It also made me wonder how many lovers out there I bored in the sack. What's good to one person is bad to another; but dam at least seem like you're trying or caring if you're going to bother to get naked.

Do you think you’re good in bed? I thought I was but maybe it's just me who sucks at sex.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Are Asians & Indian Men Easier To Get In Bed?

THE BAR WAS trendy and the people more into their iPhones then the botoxed friends they hung with. I went through the crowd to find Pete; feeling more like-a gazelle on a conveyor belt-through the jungle -then a gay dude hanging at a bar; people here either want to f#$k you or f#$k you over. Pete is someone I’ve known on and off for years. One of those friends you have drinks with twice a year; if you don’t come up with a better excuse before you commit.

Laughs went on as trendy guys and girls all pretended they should be somewhere else. I was getting ready to hit the road when Pete said loudly, “If I don’t meet a guy soon I’ll have to grab an Asian or Indian guy.”

Wait a minute I thought, “What the hell are you talking about?” I asked, interested.

“You know, Asians and Indian guys love Caucasian men, and they’re so desperate to get them-they’ll do anything you want in bed.”

I was shocked by my friend’s stupid logic but I have to admit I’ve heard this before in passing conversation; could this be true I wondered? And was Pete racist or just being honest?

I’m not one of those bleeding hearts who cries every-time someone says something that’s not nice or political incorrect. I love making jokes about everything; I think when you make something taboo you give it power but Pete’s statement was more than a joke; it’s how he felt; how he believed things to be. He said it with no malice and as a matter of fact.

As the evening went on Pete’s logic ran in my mind. I did notice a large amount of Asian men in attendance, but they didn’t look more or less hornier then the rest; was there some eye signal I was missing, or maybe I didn’t hear when they whispered things like, “I love You Long Time, Whitey!” Or “Get Your Curry-In A Hurry-My Caucasian Stud!”

Fox “News” reported President Obama had a party at the White House, of course they didn’t elaborate that it was his birthday party; they turned it into some racist joke to appease their followers (whom when not watching Fox are sleeping with hookers or marrying one of their kin) The New York Times reported on August 10, 2011, “To most news Web sites, what happened at the White House on Thursday night was a private 50th birthday party for President Obama. To an editor at Fox News, it was something a little different. “Obama’s Hip-Hop BBQ Didn’t Create Jobs,” read the headline on an article on The Fox Nation, a conservative arm of “The president asked everyone to dance — and they did!” read the Politico account. The menu included barbecue chicken, ribs, hot dogs and salad. What no Chitlins?

Different ethnic groups will always be objectified by moronic people, it’s somewhat of a human trait to try to take down someone that you think is weaker than you out of fear, but to try and classify one group with only one trait is pretty damn asinine.

And let’s face it, most men; black; white; brown; yellow; Avatar colored-will do anything you want in bed, just ask.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

My Blind Date Was Disappointed; I Was Disappointed When He Showed Up!

A RECENT BLIND date remarked (with pursed lips) that he was disappointed when I made an off color joke on our date. I was disappointed when he showed up and looked nothing like his pictures. Disappointed? Please, I was disappointed I didn’t leave as soon as I saw him. I’m not trying to be mean but what a silly, delusional little drama queen this dude was.

It was a hot, steamy night. The sidewalks in Chelsea smelled of sweat, urine, Starbucks coffee, teeth whitener and a weird mix of cheap cologne-that’s only sold in Chelsea, and only worn by guys who don’t live in Chelsea. I made it through the long two blocks from my apartment; tired after a long day but determined to be positive about my blind date. I waited for Mr. Wonderful in front of a local booze and food joint that had a good bar to meet at. Sweat did a dance on my forehead but I waited outside in good spirits and watched the parade of bodies walking past me like random Picasso paintings come to life. I heard my name and saw a sight that was like a blurry vision of the pictures I studied on online, except this vision was live and in color and nothing like the 10 or so pictures he sent me.

I could run away from him but that would be evil; though when you think about it, anyone who misrepresents themselves is deceptive and should be taught a lesson. Some people could be na├»ve or dumb. I had a feeling this dude has a habit of being left on first dates (and would be there again) when he remarked, “I’ll understand if you buzz off.” What could I do? It was hot and I wanted a cold drink.

He wouldn’t let me buy the first round; which meant I had to buy the second round and stay for awhile. As he waddled over to the bar I studied him. He wore a too tight Pepsi T-shirt that showed his willingness at advertizing his muffin top (think I’ll switch to Dr. Pepper) A feminine guy sitting next to me drawling, kept laughing to himself watching my situation or maybe it was the expression on my face. Pepsi Tight came over with our drinks-my beer and his Jack Daniels on the rocks; Pepsi Tight was hitting the hard stuff. His man boobs pointed at me like two guns in a bank robbery and I was the main hostage. His perspective loot? I guess he fancied a second date; I should have worn jogging shoes.

He basically drank his drink in two minutes; talking about himself in fevered glory. Pepsi Tight was all eye rolling and hand jittering like Helen Keller on Crack. He seemed to be a nice guy, but if Google had an official picture for delusional it would be him. I bought him another round. We started talking to the guy next to us. Soon Pepsi Tight needed to go have a cigarette. The guy next to me asked,” You got out of bed for this?” I had to laugh. It wasn’t just that he looked different from his pictures online, but we had nothing in common; I thought Michael Jackson was black; he thought he was white; it wasn’t going to work.

Back from his cigarette break Pepsi Tight went to the bar and ordered another round; I couldn’t leave now with free, cold beer coming my way. Time went on and the air conditioner started to go out in the joint. Pepsi Tight went to the bar without asking me and got a fourth round; maybe he was trying to get me drunk; I guess it worked I slept with him.

Just joking; there’s not enough alcohol in the world for that. By the fourth drink I was out the door; he was drunk as hell and wobbled out after me like a fly chasing a dog that pooped too much. On the street I tried to think of something positive to say; i'm not a total heartless jerk but luckily he just walked away like nothing ever happened. I stood and watched him strut down the street like a whore who just made forty bucks. Maybe it’s good to be delusional; Pepsi Tight was disappointed in me, but something tells me he’s disappointed on an hourly basis; I’m just disappointed in blind dates, but I’d be more disappointed if I never tried.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Amy Winehouse Found Dead, Wasted Talent

Amy Winehouse has been found dead at her home in London, it has been reported; she was only 27-years -old. She only recorded two albums and was at work on a new one that had been in the oven for years, but never fully cooked thanks in part to Ms. Winehouse’s trouble with drink and drugs.

In a statement, the Metropolitan Police said: 'Police were called by London Ambulance Service to an address in Camden Square NW1 shortly before 16.05hrs today, Saturday 23 July, following reports of a woman found unconscious in her London home.’ She was pronounced dead at 3:54pm London time.

Enquiries continue into the circumstances of the death. At this early stage it is being treated as unexplained, but several sources say it was drug related.

I’m mad at her. She was talented and unusual and had many more years to sing and entertain. Sometimes I’d see pictures of her and think she looked terrible and doubted her worth; other times she seemed to have it together and looked pretty good, so I happily rooted for her like a father at his son’s first baseball game. Sometimes I wonder if humans get a sick thrill out of seeing other’s fall on their face.

I wish she could have killed the dragon that chased her daily; it made her his victim of highs & lows. Some people are able to come out of any situation and survive-head up, lessons learned. Some people give up, give in to their weaknesses and fall head first; maybe the only way for Ms. Winehouse to slay her dragon was to let it eat her alive.

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