Sunday, December 23, 2012

Bethenny Frankel Shocker: Dumps Husband Before Christmas.

In a storyline that seems ripped out of one of their campy TV shows, Bravo TV’s most successful star Bethenny Frankel has announced she and husband Jason Hoppy are separating after 2-years of marriage. They have one daughter named Bryn.

Frankel, 42, and Hoppy, 41 opened their new marriage to the world of peeping Toms with “Bethenny Ever After.” Sadly it looks like Frankel will be alone ever after.

"This was an extremely difficult decision that as a woman and a mother, I have to accept as the best choice for our family," Frankel tells Us Weekly, adding that the situation brings her "great sadness."

Frankel has admitted to having a terrible childhood and has sought therapy to mend her demons, but it looks like love and success couldn’t repair the pain she carries with her from her past.

People are saying one of the reasons for the spilt is that Frankel wanted to live in LA, and Hoppy wanted to stay in New York to be close to his family. For many Frankel fans (myself included) We wish both Bethenny and Jason the best and pray their little 2-year-old daughter Bryn, doesn't get her Christmas ruined with this horrible news.

What’s next for Frankel? Newly single she continues to introduce new Skinnygirl cocktail products (she sold the company in 2010 for under a $100 million dollars) and will host her own daytime TV talk show that will debut in the fall of 2013.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Top 4 Strangest Gifts You Can Buy This Season.

It’s that time of year again when people scram to buy Holiday gifts, but does Aunt Ida really need another blender and has your boyfriend ever worn that tacky Donald Trump tie?

Well thinking only of my readers I sweated myself through a box of Mallomars; searching for the most interesting and jaw dropping gifts one could purchase this holiday season.

Justin Bieber Blow-up Sex Doll: The Just-In Beaver Love Doll. For just $26.92 you can have a night of passion with the bieb-ster. Buy this for a dirty uncle; Catholic priest or favorite teenage girl; who-doesn’t- really-get-what-this-is.

Pizza Hut Perfume: The chain is releasing the limited-edition scent; which might go worldwide if the sales are crispy enough; sure; everyone in America wants to smell like oil and cheese. Buy this for vegetarians and people who don’t desire a sex life anymore.

Meggings: Heard of Leggings? Well now the men have a turn in what are basically tights for men; just be sure to correctly rotate your meat and potatoes before you put them on. Buy this for that sassy ballerina in your life or Carl, who works at Home Depot.

Rob Kardashian Socks: The KarTRASHIANS are known for their greed; many whisper that they would put their name on used condoms; well until that venture comes to fruition we will have to be happy with these clown socks. Buy this for; pimps and the color blind.


Friday, December 7, 2012

Camp Alert! John Travolta, Olivia Newton John Xmas video.

Wow just in time for Christmas; John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John's new video for their Christmas album; it pretty much one of the campiest videos ever made, and who drew on Travolta's hair and eyebrows with a black Magic Marker?

Tiss the season to have a laugh and here it is; I don't know what's worse; Travolta's hair; Newton-johns face; the song or the low grade video.

CHECK IT OUT HERE: But be warned, have some spiked Eggnog first.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

What’s That Smell in Coach? KFC is Served on Planes Now.

Last time I was on a plane I got stuck in the middle seat. On my left was a portly woman who kept coughing as her blubber oozed into my seat space like Jell-O on a moving train. A tall guy was on my right, and when he wasn’t falling asleep on me, his celery stick thin legs kept rubbing against feet; what would have been more annoying here? How about the smell of someone eating Kentucky Fried Chicken!

Starting December 1, Japan Airlines will begin serving boxed KFC meals on long-haul flights to the United States and Europe. The meal includes two pieces of fried chicken, "flat bread" and coleslaw; where the hell is the mac & cheese?

Would you like headphones and a bucket of chicken?

"We wanted to recreate the festive cheer onboard," said a Japan Airlines spokesperson. Sure, now I'll have to sit through babies crying and the lingering smell of grease; how is that festive?

The idea started because of KFC's massive popularity as a holiday food in Japan, largely due to a successful Christmas marketing campaign that started in the 1970s. The lines at KFC stores in Japan during Christmas can get extraordinarily long. So I see America’s plan, we can’t beat Japan when it comes to brains; so we’ll just slow them down by making them fat asses like most people living in the U.S.A.

Listen Peeps; I love me some KFC, but you’d never find me eating it in a small, crapped place. Fast food is satisfying sometimes, except when you’re not eating it yourself, and smelling it; that can be really disgusting.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Help Me I Don’t Understand.

I was sitting in my comfy new chair with my dog Dante on my lap and a bag of mini Reese’s on the right of me. It was a Saturday night and I was feeling right (in Manhattan, Saturday is the only night you stay home; it’s for amateurs, tourist and pick pockets) I turned on the TV and I almost swallowed my 5th or was it 6th Reese’s; why is “Blair” from “Facts of Life” on “Survivor”? And where the hell was “Tootie”? I watched closely, thinking it was a “celebrity” edition but I don’t think it was; no one else was famous on it, WTF?

Turning off the TV, and ON the laptop I saw an ad for “Dancing With The Stars,” and decided to see who these dancing stars were. Besides Kirstie Alley (who seems to be getting fat, losing weight, and getting fat again as a long time career goal) I didn’t recognize the plastic faces. Luckily ABC flashed the names so we viewers at home could figure out who these glittered nitwits were. Bristol Palin is on it and has had a facelift; but is she a Star? I don’t think so, why don’t they just call this show what it is; “Dancing With The Unemployed Show-offs”?

Disgusted I turn it off, rubbed Dante’s head; grabbed another treat and decided to go through the stack of books I’ve gotten from people. One after the other the books we’re “written” by “celebrities,” mainly children’s books. Children’s books are basically emails with pictures and I’m sorry to break it to anybody, but it doesn’t take much to write them. This is crazy, where are the real writers? And if it’s not children’s books; its cookbooks; like any of these reality actors have ever cooked a single meal from scratch or even know where the kitchen is.
No matter what face she has, Bristol Palin is still untalented.
Annoyed again I put aside the books and opened a magazine; on page 2 there was a huge picture advertizing ugly, women’s high heel shoes by Carlos Santana! What the hell does a greasy 1970’s musician have to do with selling women’s shoes? What’s next for Santana; Maxi-pads?

What is happening to the world? If Mother Teresa was alive; would she be dancing her ass off on TV? If John Lennon was alive would he be selling Women’s clogs? I don’t think so. I get people want to make money, but sometimes you should just say no.

Carlos by Carlos Santana shoes are really ugly and tacky; a perfect gift for that Ho who took your man.


Saturday, November 24, 2012

Good Night J.R Ewing: Larry Hangman Dies of Cancer.

First Twinkies, now this; it's like my whole childhood is going away. Larry Hagman died Friday in Dallas at Medical City hospital from complications of his recent battle with cancer, members of his family said.

“Larry was back in his beloved Dallas, re-enacting the iconic role he loved most,” the family said in a statement. “Larry’s family and close friends had joined him in Dallas for the Thanksgiving holiday. When he passed, he was surrounded by loved ones. It was a peaceful passing, just as he had wished for.”

Hangman, 81, rocketed to fame in the 1980’s as evil J.R Ewing and became one of the most highly paid actors in television history. Before “Dallas” Hagman was known for an early 1970’s TV show “I Dream Of Jeannie.” And being the son of Broadway legend Mary Martin.

Mr. Hagman lived in California with his wife of nearly 60 years, Maj. Despite his cancer, he gamely returned to Dallas to film season one of TNT’s “Dallas” reboot and was in the middle of filming part of the second season when his cancer struck him down.

Linda Gray, who played Hagman's long suffering wife, Sue Ellen on “Dallas”, was at his bedside when he passed. His co-star and real life friend Patrick Duffy was also there with Hangman’s family, both actors are said to be devastated.

Larry Hagman may be gone, but we will never forget him as evil J.R Ewing. Ironically Hagman said “Dallas” gave him a whole new life, and when he left this world, he died in a Dallas hospital, taking a break from a TV show that made him famous over 30 years ago.

Dallas reboot 2012 promo.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

I See Fat People: How To Say Thin On Thanksgiving.

The holidays are suppose to bring people together, unfortunately we all tend to gain weight with tempting food; the stress of seeing family members and traveling; one can easily pack on more lard then a grill at a diner in a bad neighborhood.

So with an almost empty bag of Halloween candy by my side, I felt determined not to put on more than five pounds this holiday season and find out the secrets of holiday eating without the gilt come January. So I calculated all the stupid advice that’s out there, followed by my advice and here it goes.

• Martha Instead of sitting around munching on candy, Stewart suggests to make your own Festive Envelopes. “Use paper treat bags as festive envelopes for your holiday greeting cards.” If I’m sitting around on a Friday night doing this, alone, I will have no choice but to eat sugar or kill myself.

• ABC News: “Drink two glasses of water and write down what you eat.” This is dumber than a Kardashian; could you imagine being at a holiday party, and as everyone is having a good time; you’re sitting there drinking two glasses a water like a Meth addict and scribbling into a notebook like a conspiracy theorist.

• Marie Claire: “Skip your usual evening meal and treat the cocktails like a dinner.” Leave it to a Women’s fashion magazine to tell you to drink instead of eat food. This may work for anorexic models, but the reality is you’ll get drunk and hook up with that creep from accounting-I’d rather gain weight.

• Richard Simmons: In trying to motivate his fans with his 2012 blog, Simmons explains Thanksgiving in mouth watering detail, that had me and I’m sure most of his lard assed readers-ready to gobble down everything in sight. “Tomorrow, your family is expecting a juicy Virginia ham, a big bowl filled with green bean casserole, a serving dish full of fluffy mashed potatoes and a stick of room temperature butter on the side-That'll make it easier to spread even more butter on those already buttered homemade yeast rolls everybody loves.”

When it comes down to eating for the holidays; enjoy yourself but there’s no reason to get crazy when eating, Thanksgiving comes every year no matter what; so you don’t have to feel like you’re missing out if you turn down that 3rd Pig in a Blanket. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Sunday, November 18, 2012

R.I.P Twinkies; I Loved You, Often.

Hostess, the makers of Twinkies, Wonder Bread, Ding Dongs and Ho Hos is out of buisness.

Yum, I will miss you, weirdly sexual named goodies; many of which got me through grades 1 to 8.

People are now selling Twinkies on Ebay for $59.99...that usually retail for $4.29 a box of ten Twinkies. Other boxes were on sale for $100 or more. Are people so stupid and fat? If so I better get to the store and buy them up.

And if anyone is thinking of ordering these over priced treats from Ebay; Hostess is out of buisness, but other companies will buy the brands, Twinkies will live on, my artery-clogging-loving friends.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Eddie Murphy is Dating a Hot White Chick.

With that pesky election out of the way, we as a nation can get back to what is most important; Eddie Murphy is dating a hot white chick.

Eddie Murphy, 51, has had a shady past when it’s come to romance for the sassy comedienne. Divorced in 2008 from his longtime wife, who gave him 5 kids, virile Murphy got Melanie (Scary Spice) Brown of the Spice Girls pregnant after a brief affair, Murphy denied he was the baby daddy, until blood test showed he was, as of this date Murphy has never met Angel Iris, 5.

There have been many rumors about Murphy’s sexual obsession with Transsexuals and toe sucking (I guess some Trannies got big feet) on Friday, May 2 at 4:45AM-Murphy picked up 20-year-old hooker named Atisone ‘Shalomar’ Seiuli, a Samoan born transvestite. Cops – on hooker watch - observed as she hopped in Eddie’s Land Cruiser and they drove off. Two miles later, they were pulled over, but since they were not engaged in any illegal behavior, Eddie was let go. Murphy denied he picked up the Almond Joy beauty for sex, and told “Entertainment Tonight” he was just helping a gal out; sure, and at 4:45am! (Mysteriously the Transvestite died a year later by falling from her roof; OK.)

Shalomar, jumped in Eddie Murphys car, did she also jump his bones?

Murphy also got married again in 2008 to Tracy Edmonds. Murphy and Edmonds got married in Bora Bora; which means it’s not legal in the U.S.A. They planned another legal wedding but Edmonds wouldn’t sign a prenup and the wedding was called off.

Haters hate, Murphys body is kicking at 51.
Now Murphy has been showing off 33-year-old Australian T&A model Paige Butcher. Some black women are pissed because they’re losing another brother to a white girl; I find that prejudice; so what, she’s as white as chalk, Butcher is hot and if she makes his world go round, so be it; let’s just hope Murphy doesn’t go out for anymore 4:45 AM drives.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Dumb & Dumber: Meet 2012’s Most Watery Turds.

When you’re hot; you’re hot, and when you’re not; well, you make my list for Most Watery Turds.

Take a look at 2012’s beauties.

Mike Bloomberg: The millionaire New York mayor proved he was the “Tin Man” and needed a heart from “The Wizard Of Oz.” Bloomberg help pass laws that stop hospitals from giving new mom’s breast milk; outlawed large soda’s, and as victims of hurricane Sandy were left with only the clothes on their back, Bloomberg demanded the *New York marathon* should still go on.

The marathon would have had millions of skinny people running a mile from the devastation. Still Bloomberg stuck up his pointy nose and didn’t care; hopefully his next prostate cancer exam isn’t done by someone who lives or has family in Staten Island, ouch!

Donald Trump: His face alone looks like an orange left out in the sun, but it’s not just his “haunted house” looks that landed him here. 2012 was the year “The Donald” fell on his face and really embarrassed himself.
With weekly appearances on Fox “News”-to offering President Obama $5 million to show his college records; Trump managed to sink lower than a snail in the Bermuda Triangle, and seems bent on becoming a laughing stock; most Republican’s don’t even want him around anymore.
Is Tim Tebow gay? Or just likes the taste of dark chocolate.

Tim Tebow: He made headlines when he came to New York last year. His PR person had him on the cover of all the rags and had the common folk lapping Tebow up like a hooker getting free Cipro. Tebow is known for his cabbage shaped head, as much as his praying on the field at every football game; look like God doesn’t like the Jets, or Tebow.

Tebow and the Jets have played so bad it was rumored the team would trade him; as of now Tebow can still stay on his knees as the Jets didn’t sack him, yet. I predict his PR person will have him seen in public with some girl to squash the gay rumors and get Tebow back in the public eye.

 *Due only to public outrage, Bloomberg cancelled the marathon at the last minute when the New York Post exposed that the city of New York had hid generators, water and supplies for the marathon, instead of offering them to all the suffering people; who were mostly middle class or poor. Still Bloomberg seemed not to get it, and apologized to the runners, not the victims of hurricane Sandy.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Duck Stupid! How to Survive a Hurricane by My Momma.

My momma was born in 1921 and she had a lot of advice about storms, and when she took her medication; most of what she said even made sense.

My momma lived through several wars, many presidents and even different Michael Jackson noses, so she knew a thing or two about life.

Here is what she often told me about hurricanes, and let’s hope everyone, from old friends-to-new friends-to-Republicans remain safe, as we wait out this Frankenstorm with the innocent name of Sandy.

1. When there’s a hurricane; that means the devil is flushing his toilet; so stay inside.

2. Hide in the bathtub, and shave your legs to wait out the storm.

3. Don’t fry bacon, you’ll be electrocuted.

4. Hide under a coffee table, and if you’re too fat; now’s the time to diet.

5. If you see a cow flying; duck, stupid.

Me and  my momma; damn I was a chubster!
6. If your cellar is too packed, make the old people get out-they’ve lived long enough.

7. Don’t have sex; it will make your future children cross-eyed.

8. Don’t pray to God; he went to the movies.

9. Take a laxative; this way you won’t shit yourself in case things get bad.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Capital One Bank is one of the Worst Banks in the World

Like a dirty old man sneaking into a young girl’s bedroom, Capital One Bank has been putting chloroform to their customer’s lips by imposing a new policy, which began On June 5th 2012. For any customer who has a checking account that doesn’t hold a daily balance of $300; you will be robbed-I mean charged, $8.95 monthly. I always thought this kind of charge was pure gluttony on banks part. So you’re basically telling the public if you don’t have enough money, u will be charged extra. It’s no wonder you can’t get ahead. Rich people get all the good incentives, tax breaks and argyle lamb’s wool sweaters, and the rest of us can eat dirt.

Why banks enforce this rule I don’t know. A friend of mine who is “high up” at a well known bank confided in me (after a few scotch’s) that some banks want their customers to use their banking debit cards ONLY and it’s a way to steer people towards that. This way you keep all of your money in the bank and use only your debit cards, where in turn credit card companies like Visa and MasterCard grease the oily palms of the banks with a fat fee for all the usage of the debit cards.

When you’re living in New York without a partner or 10 roommates; it’s not so surprising that some of us can’t keep a balance of $300 a day-every day, especially after the first of the month with rent due and bills. Basically you get punished if you don’t have enough money by banking with Capital One.

Now I know why Capital One has commercials featuring Viking barbarians crashing through things and acting downright savage; what’s next Capital One; will you clobber your customers with a mallet when they don’t have over $200 grand a year in your bank?

If you’re thinking of opening an account with Capital One, don’t bother; they suck. Changing apartments in my building recently I called Capital One to change my address; simple enough right? Here is what I got after giving them all other personal information.

Capital One: I’m going to ask you a series of questions, which may or may not be true.

Hudson Taylor: um, I just need to change my apartment address.

C O: Yes sir you will need to answer these questions to do so.

H T: To change my apartment number? OK fine I’m ready.

C O: Did you ever live at 253 Pike Street, Alaska?

H T: Is this for real? This is like a Saturday Night Live sketch.


HT: No...

C O: What does the address 28 Evergreen St, in Henryville mean to you?

H T: Birth place of Colonel Sanders? I have no idea, it means nothing to me-like this whole conversation, and whoever came up with this questionnaire is an idiot and should be fired.


Talk about bad customer service, I thought I’d have to give her blood after awhile. Let’s just say I’ll be dropping Capital One faster than a Basketball player drops his pants in a whorehouse.

I know other banks charge similar for checking account balances. What fries my chicken is; when the banks get bailed out by the government, and receive generous holiday bonuses for all management; how can it be that they have money for bonuses but need to jack-up customer rates?

The cynic in me thinks they just want the extra funds for strippers, booze and cigars, and not because of their cries of poverty; as they drive off in their Mercedes and snakeskin boots. I say screw Capital One; let’s all demand that banks drop these stupid charges before it gets even more out of control; if not we can just ad banks to the list of greedy companies like electricity and cable; that are screwing us in the backside without as much as dinner or a kiss first.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Brad Pitt’s Commercials for Chanel No.5 are Stupid.

Brad Pitt, 48, is pretty cool and no matter how many crappy movies he puts out between good movies, it never seems to stop him from getting A pictures; where most other actors would be shaking their old asses on ABC’s hilariously titled, “Dancing With The Stars.” Pitt has maintained the public’s interest in him by banging some of Hollywood’s skinniest chicks; Juliette Lewis, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jennifer Aniston and now Angelina Jolie.

Pitt always radiates on screen when in character, but if you ever saw him talk in an interview you’d swear he worked at a 7-11 in Ohio and wasn’t a millionaire movie Star; that’s why he’s an actor who needs good scripts to play off of; he didn’t find it in these loopy commercials, that have most people wondering what the people behind the scenes were sniffing besides perfume.

Pitt is the first man to ever do a Chanel No.5 ad, and probably the last. He reportedly got 7 million for indorsing the classic women’s perfume, that always reminds me of Grandma; when they laid her out at Dave’s Discount Funeral Home, off Route 1 by Piggly Wiggly.

Pitt appears in the commercial looking every bit of his age and acting like he’s stoned; or bored I can’t tell. The commercial is suppose to be sexy, but had me laughing hysterically; I almost thought they were Saturday Night Live sketches. To think people got paid big bucks to work on these and this is what they came up with? Insane.

In the strangely hypnotic commercial’s, Pitt says things like, “It’s not a journey, but every journey ends and we go on.” WTF? You’d think Chanel would have had the sense not to release it, but they did. Pitt isn’t even shot well and his eyes seem to be darting, like he’s thinking, “this is so stupid, but I need the money for my 6 kids and their college fund.”

Chanel, finally realizing they had a stinker on their hands, released a second commercial; which fairs no better, and looks more awkward then trying to French kiss a girl with braces. Whoever wrote and produced this crap should be put in a room and be forced to listen to Kathy Lee Gilford’s, “It's Christmas Time.” CD, until they produce a better commercial for Mr. Brad Pitt.

Check out the two commercials here:

Monday, October 1, 2012

666 Park Avenue Review: Even The Devil Wouldn’t Watch It.

Just when it looked like Vanessa Williams got some good luck after being stuck in a boring role on “Desperate Housewives,” she got cast in “666 Park Avenue,” unfortunately the fantastic Williams, has gotten herself glued to another bad show; that will have viewers wishing the devil possesses the network executives who green lit this crap.

The set up is so simple a five year-old could have made it up (maybe they did) A young and boring couple comes to fancy hotel to get job as Super’s(!) they get into 666 Park Avenue, run by the dude from “Lost,” Terry O'Quinn and Williams. O’Quinn plays his part well enough; is he just the owner, a magician or the devil himself? You won’t care after 60 minutes, when you realize a rectal exam would have been a better waste of your time.

When this show tries to scare you; you’ll laugh, and when you’re supposed to laugh; you’ll get scared that the show is still going on-and-on. The rest of the cast features actors with so little screen presence; you’ll never need a sleeping pill again. If you like scares and good drama; wait for the season premiere of “American Horror Story,” because the only fright here is how bad the show is. 666 Park Avenue should stay on the air as long as Lindsay Lohan stays out of trouble with the law.

666 Park Avenue airs Sundays at 10 on ABC.

Could the Devil be Vanessa Williams agent;  for landing her this snore fest?

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Zooey Deschanel is Annoying and Should go Away.

I hate Zooey Deschanel; even her name is annoying.

Zooey Deschanel, 32, has been buzzing like a flame around a light bulb in a gas station restroom for years; never getting too close to big time fame; some would have given up; got knocked up by some rich jerk from the Valley and eventually joined “Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew,” but not Deschanel; she just waited, pretending she’s 16-years-old, and her mom and dad left her home, alone; wow what kooky and wacky adventures can a turd face get up to?

Deschanel has hit the big time now with Fox’s “New Girl,” which is limping to its second season this fall. She plays a kooky girl blah-blah (though I do have to say the other actors on the show are great) wouldn’t a semi-hit TV show be enough?

Unfortunately her agent has bi$$er ideas and somehow has got her commercials for iPhone (which everyone involved should be forced to listen to Jennifer Lopez sing without her audotune) Her iPhone commercial is so obnoxious and annoying, grown men have been known to beat their head in with the remote to block out Deschanel’s wacky ways.

Deschanel is a like a bad case of lice; it’s like little, quirky eggs are hatching everywhere. Open a magazine and there she blows! She’s in ads for Pantene now; in the ad Deschanel has fake, photo shopped hair and odd pouty mouth; that resembles the fish my dad use to catch in Lake George.

Hopefully someone will throw Deschanel out with the trash and we wil be able to watch TV and read a magazine without her stupid bangs staring back at us.

Sadly, laundry mat gossips tell me Rimmel, a cosmetics brand, has signed Deschanel; the infestation continues.

looks like she sat on something too big.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Romney’s 47%: 9 Out Of 10 States That Pay No Tax Are Republican States.

Mitt Romney is in such hot water his ironed jeans might wrinkle. In speaking to a group of wealthy donors, Romney worked over the hoity-toity-white crowd with remarks about Obama’s America.

“All right, there are 47 percent who are with him, who are dependent on government, who believe they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you name it. That's an entitlement. And that government should give it to them. And they will vote for this president no matter what…These are people who pay no income tax."

According to the non-partisan Tax Policy Center, the total is between 46 million and 47 million, including more than 16 million elderly Americans. For the record the 10 states that don’t pay income tax; 9 out of 10 are Republican states.

I have to say I agree with Romney, there are a lot of people who milk the government like the Octomom’s brats milk her. I myself grew up ‘in da hood,’ and always saw so-called poor neighbors with new cars every year and the newest stereo equipment, and no one ever went to work; they just collected Welfare and lived it up on the taxpayer’s dime.

What I don’t agree with Romney’s idea is that everyone thinks they’re victims; some people have legitimate excuses; what’s always hard for most Republicans to understand is: why most poor people can’t get hired for a job. Some are lazy bums yes, but many don’t have the connections like most rich ass wipes; it’s damn hard to get in the door. What’s the old saying, in the workplace; it’s who you know or who you blow?

Some are predicting this scandal will hurt Romney, but I don’t think it will; for those who agree with him whole heartedly I think they will be happy about what he said.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Rape, Depression, Sexism: Cyndi Lauper’s Excellent New Book.

Cyndi Lauper, 59, is most famous for her cartoon voice, quirky personality, wind-up toy energy and a quip to end every sentence. She became famous for her first hit single, “Girls Just Want To Have Fun.” But it wasn’t much fun for Lauper as she struggled for years, before getting famous in the 1980’s. The sassy Star shows a serious side in her shocking, yet uplifting new book: Cyndi Lauper: A Memoir.

Lauper’s book is candid, dishy and inspiring to all who’ve been down the same road; rather it be in the entertainment industry or just hard times in life. Most stunning about the book is her candor, Lauper doesn’t hold back when it comes to how she feels about celebrities she’s worked with, and shows her range as a writer in this page turner; that is sure to bring tears as well as smiles.

Born to a working class mother in Queens New York, Lauper and her two siblings didn’t always have much. Her mother worked 14 hour days as a waitress; so it gave Lauper plenty of time to discover her love of music, often listening to the Beatles, Billie Holiday and Ella Fitzgerald. Things changed horribly at home when Lauper’s mother married a pedophile, who beat and terrorized Lauper and the family. She left home at 17, when she caught her stepfather watching her take a bath.
Cyndi Lauper in the 1980's when she first hit the scene.
Things didn’t get much better out in the real world. Full of spunk but short on cash, Lauper hitchhiked one day to a job interview (as people did in the 60’s & 70’s) and was trapped by a man in a car, who wouldn’t release her until she had sex with him. Raped several more times (one guys own girlfriend cruelly held her down while he abused her) Lauper was often an emotional wreck but found her solace in music-especially “Across the Universe” by John Lennon. Lauper told the New York Post about the significance of the song, “I sang it to myself all the time because it had a prayer in it and it would help me to free my mind.”

Don't like the cover, but the book gets 4 Stars!
As Lauper prepares for the tidal wave of publicity that will follow the books release, she’s mostly crossing her fingers that “Kinky Boots,”-which is based on the 2005 British cult film, and has a musical score by Lauper-book by Harvey Fierstein, will be a hit when it premieres in Chicago Oct. 4-Nov. 2, On April 4, 2013 “Kinky Boots,” will officially open in New York on Broadway; not bad for a poor, Queens, New York girl.

Cyndi Lauper: A Memoir will be released on September 18, 2012.