Monday, April 30, 2012

Kim & Kanye: Famous 4 Being Asses; He In Personality; She In Showing It.

Some scholars dispute it, but the Mayan calendar predicts that December 2012 will be the end of the world. Scenarios suggested for the end include the arrival of the next solar maximum, or Earth's collision with an object such as a black hole or passing asteroid.

Other scholars say an old text predicted 2012 will bring together two of the world’s biggest egos; that in turn will create a toxic fuel of bullshit that will fill TV, print and airwaves with high-voiced talking; bad rapping, and enough bull-crap to pollute the earth’s oxygen until life as we know it will combust into oblivion.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have started dating; though some whisper it a P.R. stunt. KKK is their new nickname and people seem to love it; it’s no surprise to me that fans of these two don’t know what KKK really stands for.

West is a semi talented Rapper, known for his attitude and affinity to make an ass out of himself. Kardashian is known for her publicity hungry appetite and showing off her ass. Both pea brains get my vote for disaster of the year.

If the tacky twosome is really dating that remains to be seen, both love the spotlight like a fly loves fat ladies laying on the beach. I guess worse things could happen, though my mother always said, “when too many bad fish get together, it sure does stink.” My spy tells me their “dating” is getting filmed for Kardashian’s tacky reality show; one wonders when she’ll get filmed taking a bowl movement.

Kardashian is stale from her second marriage that lasted 72 days. Reports are that Kardashian has to cough up hush money to her ex, Kris Humpfries; because he says he married out of love; she out of getting publicity for her reality show, and family business that sells everything from shit to shinola. Hunky Himbo Humpfries is taking Kardashian to court soon for fruad.
West is stale from dating a bunch of skanks and his obnoxious turn at a music awards show, where he jumped onstage as Taylor Swift was trying to pick up her award, and acting surprised.

Rumors are rampant that it’s just a publicity stunt for the two low-on-brains lovebirds. They share a lot in common; they both love looking at pictures of themselves and like making videos; he for his music, she for a gross boyfriend, so why not date?

Who knows and frankly I don’t care. If anyone deserves each other it’s these two; I just hope the Mayan calendar isn’t right, as the world could be over as KKK spawn, making an ugly baby ( Raisinettes head and huge ass) bringing our planet earth to a certain doom.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Debbie Harry and Sharon Stone shock with young looks while in Brazil for AIDS

Just when every Starlet pops out a boob or forgets to wear her panties, Glamour gals like Debbie Harry and Sharon Stone hang out in Brazil and show the young fools that real-star-staying power shines, even after youth has said hasta la vista.

"Blondie" lead singer Debbie Harry (65) worked Marilyn Monroe Curls and "Basic Instinct" actress Sharon Stone (54) rocked a slicked back ponytail at an Amfar benifit in Brazil for AIDS research.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

On June 5, Greedy Capital One Bank Will Charge You $8.95 A Month.

Like a dirty old man sneaking into a young girl’s bedroom, Capital One Bank is putting chloroform to their customer’s lips by imposing a new policy. On June 5th 2012; for any customer who has a checking account that doesn’t hold a daily balance of $300; you will be screwed-I mean charged, $8.95 monthly. I always thought this kind of charge was pure gluttony on banks part. So you’re basically telling the public if you don’t have enough money, u will be charged extra. It’s no wonder you can’t get ahead. Rich people get all the good incentives, tax breaks and the rest of us can eat dirt.

Why banks enforce this rule I don’t know. A friend of mine who is “high up” at a well known bank confided in me (after a few scotch’s) that some banks want their customers to use their banking debit cards and it’s a way to steer people towards that. This way you keep all of your money in the bank and use only your debit cards, where in turn *Visa and *MasterCard grease the oily palms of the banks with a fat fee for all the usage.

I see why the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. Living in Manhattan, some of us have a balance of $300 a day but it doesn’t stay for long. Basically you get punished if you don’t have enough money by banking with Capital One.

Now I know why Capital One has commercials featuring Viking barbarians crashing through things and acting downright savage; what’s next Capital One; will you clobber your customers with a mallet when they don’t have over $200 grand a year in your bank? Maybe Capital One will really show their barbarian ways and stick us in the stockades for being middle class or worst yet poor.

If you bank with Capital One don’t expect too many announcements given when the new charges come around; I got an email about it. I hope they don’t decide to charge me the week I pay rent and bills; if so, that’s an ugly new charge we’ll be paying.

I know other banks charge similar for checking account balances. What fries my chicken is; when the banks get bailed out, and receive generous holiday bonuses for all management; how can it be that they have money for bonuses but need to jack-up our rates, “because of the economy.” The cynic in me thinks they just want the extra funds for hookers, booze and cigars, and not because of their cries of poverty as they drive off in their Mercedes.

*MasterCard and *Visa are only used as examples and I am in no way saying they do this. My article is not to accuse Capital One of getting money from credit card companies and profiting from using their customers, but to entertain the public with my personal experience.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah Stayin’ Alive: Bee Gees Robin Gibb Awakes From Coma.

Just when it looked like another one of Disco music’s pioneers would have to hang up their bell bottoms and see that big disco ball in the sky.

Robin Gibb, singer of the Bee Gees fell into a coma last week; awoke today to a stunned family and doctors. Many were worried the high voiced singer wouldn’t make it back. Gibbs own doctor informed the family just days ago that things didn’t look good.

Gibb's medical team said the singer used his “iron will” to help him fight the Grim Reaper (luckily the Reaper didn’t hate Disco) and shocked the glitter out of everyone by regaining consciousness more than a week after he went into a coma.

However, don’t put your prayer beads back in the jewelry box just yet, as the outlook for the 62-year-old singer/songwriter remains uncertain. For now he receives more treatment for advanced bowel cancer, pneumonia and liver failure.

For now Gibb remains stable and needs an oxygen mask to help him breath. His doctor hopes that if his condition improves in a couple of days they might be able to move him out of the intensive care unit.

Gibb founded the Bee Gees with his twin brother Maurice and older brother Barry in the late 1960s and went on to sell an estimated 200 million records. The Bee Gees are most famous for the music they did for 1977 blockbuster movie Saturday Night Fever.

UPDATE:  Sadly Robin Gibb "passed away today following his long battle with cancer and intestinal surgery," said the statement, which was attributed to his family. He died in England May 20th at 10:47 am. It's hard to think how hard it must be on Gibbs family and friends, but it's nice to know he awoke from his coma for a couple of weeks and was able to say good bye to love ones.

Thursday, April 19, 2012 Dick Clark Is Dead.

Host and TV producer Dick Clark has died from a heart attack. He was 82.

To a younger generational many will remember Dick Clark as the old guy who mumbled on air every New Years Eve (Clark suffered a terrible stroke in 2005) but for people of my generational we will remember him for hosting American Bandstand (1957 to 1988)

Long before MTV and Youtube; American Bandstand gave a young music lover like me exposure to new and exciting sounds. When you grow up in a small place like I did, and you felt alone and artistic, AB had funky dancers, different singers and bands in every creed, color and size and for a little boy like me it gave me comfort every Saturday afternoon.

Dick Clark did a lot of things in his life and made a lot of money; some, if not most of us would have retired, but that wasn’t Dick Clark’s attitude. In this age of praising over-paid sports stars and people who fight with each other to get on TV, Dick Clark remained a gentleman of class, on and off the air.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

“The Killing” asks Who Killed Rosie? Viewers answer: who cares.

The second season of AMC’S The Killing still raises the big question from season one: Who Killed Rosie Larsen? I say who cares at this point? After the 20th shocking “reveal” Rosie isn’t even missed because the audience never got to know or sympathize with her. That leaves the rest of the cast; who all need valium inserted in their local water supply. Maybe Rosie killed herself to get away from these “Debbie Downers.”

I get that the show is supposed to be dark and moody-I love dark and moody but The Killing has dragged an interesting, if not original idea (girl killed; suspects galore; retiring cop) on and on, the viewer is left not caring, and caring is sharing-ratings that is.

When the great first season of The Killing ended last season; viewers, including myself were pissed that the whole season had been one big prick tease, and didn’t reveal the killer of Rosie Larsen. Those hoping for a series release when the second season began, were left blue balled as the Rosie Larsen case still dragged on with more suspects popping up than Pop-tarts at a crackheads house.

This Script sucks.

The Danish series (in which The Killing is based) had a new murder in its second season, giving viewers a fresher story and mystery to solve. Too bad the American version didn’t follow the same lead.

Ratings for the second season are getting worse each week. If The Killing doesn’t get better this season, don’t be surprised if the show and the producers are buried with Rosie at the bottom of the pond.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Online Dating: A Special Investigative Report.

Does anyone meet a guy in a bar anymore? I was out last night with a buddy and all the single guys were looking into their phones like it they had a picture of Tom Brady’s penis. Why not just stay home and save the money on over-priced drinks? Maybe I’m old school but if you’re at a bar to meet men; why go online when they are only inches away?

There are few exceptions but in this internet age most singles (and married people) meet perspective partners on internet dating sites or funerals. Online, most people extravagate their looks; job and personality, or underestimate their appeal and write a spotty profile; upload only blurry photos and give one word answers to your messages, even though they messaged you first.

Most people don’t know what they want; even when they say they do. Putting an ad up for a boyfriend/wife/mother/slave/gold fish lover, can be a job on its own. When writing your online profile, there seems to usually be alter egos going on; there is the person you think you are, and then there is the person you want to be; and there is the person you really are; if you’re smart you combine all three. Most people lie so much its embarrassing. I mostly met flaky jerks, who said one thing and did another.

For research only I joined three well known sites. Match; OkCupid and Plenty Of Fish. In my opinion here is how I will break down these dating websites.

Jerk from

Match: Match has been in business the longest and is showing signs of age and neglect (no wonder they bought OkCupid) Since Match is a paying site you would think you would meet some classier guys; my first message was from a gentlemen who was 92-years-old (he said he was looking for younger; like there’s anyone older!) A positive is most features are easy to use. The negatives are longer than a road trip with your mother in-law.

Most of the emails I got were from people from faraway places like Florida, South Dakota and Canada; which I don’t get; am I suppose to jump on a plane for a date? I don’t think so. They also keep old profiles online as active, even though most of the people have been off for months; when your pay period is up Match will automatically recharge you; so cancel or you’ll be charged.

Jerk from OkCupid.

OkCupid: OC is for the younger set. With its cryptic questions, fun but mostly lame quizzes that seem to grow by the week. Usually your “matches” come with 3 ratings; for example: this guy is 47% good for you, 12% friend, 39% enemy. Your match gets matched with the more questions you answer; only 39% enemy? Hot, what’s his number?

Went out with some cute guys here; mostly young and in the end; most guys in their 20”s are great, until they open their mouths; I joke-kind of. Actually there are cute guys on here but since it’s a free site, most dudes are flaky about getting together with you, even though they messaged you first.

Jerk from Plenty Of Fish.

Plenty Of Fish: POF is like the McDonalds of the dating websites; cheap looking design, sleazy ads popping up and a sick feeling after stomaching it. I have to be honest. The few people that contacted me on POF were pretty shady looking and I declined. It seemed that anyone I was interested in on here weren’t online since over a year ago-a sign that tells you the site made them sign up to search the site, and when they saw what was really there they got off quick (and not in a good way)

POF was the worst of the three; it could just be the New York area wasn’t so great when it came to guys; but hey that’s just me; if you like them toothless, living at home with momma or five hours away; then this is the site for you.

What I noticed on all three websites, besides the actors; most doctors and lawyers seem to love themselves and always mention what they do in their profile name, lawyerstud8 or doctormoney12; pretty pathetic; I guess they don’t even bother to impress you with looks or wit, money or title works just as well for some trashy people.

Update: After working on this article over 10 months ago I decided to rejoin all three sites and see if anything changed. I can’t say anything did. What was really surprising was 98% of the same guys were there from over a year ago (with the same pictures!) So I cancelled all 3 accounts, got some books for my Kindle and baked some brownies.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

What I Learned From Watching Judge Judy

“Ma'am, you don't get reimbursed for stupidity! Your case is dismissed!"

Judge Judy is the highest paid woman on TV, and it’s easy to see why, with her brass balls and strongly sprayed hair-do, Judy is in charge when you enter her courtroom and you better not piss her off. Some people find her offensive and mean, I don’t think she is; yes Judy is tough, but the moron’s who frequent her courtroom need a good shaking up; if not a 2x4 across the noggin.

“Are you on any medication madam?”

Unlike most of her guest, Judy uses common sense, which seems to be missing these days with the Kardashian’s being on TV and Rick Santorum getting actual human beings to vote for him.

“Beauty fades. Dumb is forever.”

You could watch Judge Judy for two weeks and be amazed at the frivolous lawsuits being brought into our already, busy courthouses. On the other end you’ll have female barracuda’s with too much make-up and dudes with messed-up teeth taking advantage of people’s kindness.

“Personally, I don't find you as attractive as she did; so I suggest you shut up!”

People can waste money on college and cartoonish seminars from best selling authors; most who didn’t really write the books anyway. I don’t need cough up any cash for this crap when Judge Judy has taught me everything I need to know about life.

1. Don’t loan anyone money, if you expect to get it back.
2. Stupid people get pregnant a lot, with different fathers.
3. Never cosign for anything unless you’re married.
4. Learn to let some things go after a break-up; you want old towels back, seriously?
5. If you go to court, don’t dress like a weekend hooker.
6. Never let a boyfriend move in if he has an ugly haircut.

Judge Judy and Florence Henderson make out; Judy does it all.

“I have 3 sons, so I know you are no gift! You're not even good looking!"

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Mary J. Bilge’s BK Commercial Banned, She Sings About Fried Chicken.

Burger King has lost its spot in sales to far superior Wendy’s in the battle of the burger chains; McDonalds still holds the number 1 spot. Now Burger King has unleashed four new commercials. One in particular has been banned because people have complained about Mary J. Blige’s singing about her love of fried chicken is racist.

After viewing the commercial I don’t think its racist, though each commercial is targeted to a certain demographic; Jay Leno-white men; Salma Hayek-Spanish speaking; David Beckham-gay men; Mary J Blige-black Americans.

The commercial is pretty funny with an embarrassed looking Blige; dark shades on and singing for her super about “crispy lettuce and 3 cheeses, oh, oh.” Yikes! I love me some Mary J. Blige, but like her last two albums that haven’t sold well; Blige needs to get some better career advice (her husband has been her manager for several years now); if not Blige will be on Dancing With The Stars or some other sad reality show in two years.

Check out the banned commercial and tell me what you think.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

“Alicia Silverstone shows she’s “Clueless” when feeding baby by spitting food in his mouth”

Alicia Silverstone hasn’t acted much since her star making turn in “Clueless”. Now the former hot actress has turned fans cold when she released a video of her feeding her 11-month old son in an unusual manner. Acting like a bird from hell and not a un-award winning actress, Silverstone is seen on the video chewing food and spitting it into her kid’s mouth; pretty gross stuff-and you thought you gagged when she played “Batgirl” in “Batman & Robin.”

It’s not known why Silverstone feeds her child this way, but she’s known to be koo koo for eating and wearing everything that’s natural; after watching this video I’m glad my mom gave me Gerber’s.

Silverstone lives in an eco-friendly Los Angeles house complete with solar panels and an organic vegetable garden. The poor kids name is Bear Blu, yikes.

I’d hate to be this kid when he grows up and see’s this video; pretty embarrassing, for both of them.