Thursday, May 31, 2012

Sweet Tooth? Get FREE Donuts On June 1, National Donut Day.

I love me some donuts, in fact give me a couple of these babies and a good movie, and I’ve been known to turn down dates, weddings and court appointed volunteer work, just to enjoy these sugary-ass-growing treats. I kid you not, sometimes donuts are better than sex; especially because donuts know how to keep quiet when you’re enjoying yourself.

I say stuff your face with many as you can before Mayor Bloomberg bans them from New York along with large bottles and cups of soda.

Most Americans love glazed donuts; not me, when I indulge I want the whole piñata. I love Boston Cream donuts; Chocolate on top; cream inside and a crispy outer layer and its smooth sailing for me.

Since the first Friday of every June is National Donut Day, here are a few places where you can get a free donut; yum I want 3 with a hot cup of Joe.

Dunkin’ Donuts: Get a FREE donut with any beverage purchase.

Tim Hortons: is giving away doughnuts to those with Facebook coupons.

Krispy Kreme: Get a FREE donut at participating Krispy Kreme stores, with no purchase necessary. Call ahead to be sure your store is participating.

• Lamar’s Donuts: Get a FREE gourmet donut, with no purchase necessary. Lamar’s is located in AL, AZ, CO, KS, MO, and NE).

• Shipley Do-Nuts: Get a FREE glazed donut with any purchase. Shipley is in TX and MS only.

Funny how New York Mayor Bloomberg is getting large soda banned in New York, but there are free donuts givin  out all over New York today; he must be pissed, thinking; how am I ever going to get these fat pigs thin?

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Jessica Simpson’s Baby Photos If You Care.

Jessica Simpson finally gave birth May 1, to a baby girl after what seemed like a 3 year pregnancy. Some say the kid came out with acne and wanting a drivers license. Simpson might have lost the kid but not the baby blubber. Lucky for Simpson she’s not like us and is getting paid by Weight Watches to lose her baby lard.

Simpson shows off baby Maxwell, Maxi for short; you know like Maxi-pads in the new issue of "People Magazine." . Happy Simpson is showed with her pasty, fat buddle of joy, and no I don’t mean her boyfriend, Eric Johnson; who seems more like a prop in the photos, I mean Maxi.

Simpson is said to have the best selling celebrity indorsed junk out there; good for her, hopefully this will keep her from singing or acting anytime soon.

Britney Spears; Why She’s Not Stable Enough For X Factor.

When Britney Spears first shimmied on the scene people compared her to Madonna, and then she opened her mouth and soon got compared to glue; because like glue, it does the job but not much else.

Spears has had plenty of ups and downs. Now finally medicated with a new manager/boyfriend, who keeps her under lock and key (for her last album all the press interview questions were pre-asked, so Spears team could give answers for her)

Now her boyfriend/manager has brokered a deal to put Spears on live TV, for Simon Cowell’s “X Factor”. Cowell is no fool in trying to get the public to watch after a low rated first season. He also hired train wreck number 2, Demi Lovato (fresh from rehab for anorexia, self-mutilation, and substance abuse-she's a triple threat!) I had to Google her and find out who the hell she is; she’s a Disney “actress” and “singer.”

I love that Cowell hired Spears and Lovato, two tarts that never sing live without Auto-Tune; and these chicks are going to tell people they can’t sing or perform? What’s next Charlie Sheen teaching abstinence?

In a press conference for “X Factor”, Spears seemed out of it, biting her nails down to the skin drawling blood. It doesn’t seem like Spears is ready for hash browns at a diner, let alone judging talent on the road, followed by live television.

On the first day of taping, Spears walked off the set, saying she needed a break; how freaking hard is it to sit at a table and judge people for 15 million? I’ll do it for half of that and bake brownies for ya.

The auditions are going on now, which are pre-taped so anything wacky Spears does can be edited or played up before it airs. The real joke will be when “X Factor” goes live and Spears will have to concentrate for more than 5 minutes. Some people are whispering that Spears won't even stay on the show.

Searching for “Britney Spears Dead Eyes” on Google yielded 1,850,000 results; which is scary but tells you how the public has noticed the change in Spears. This article is teasing her and she’s the gift that keeps giving but it doesn’t mean I don’t hope the best for her. In reality I think Spears should retire at 31-years-old if she can’t handle being in the spotlight; because when it comes down to it; a lot of us have 5 times the pressure and one fifth the money of Spears, and we pull through; fortunately most of us are in control of our own mind, body and spirit; sadly Spears seems like her light went out in 2006.

Monday, May 28, 2012

Happy Memorial Day: Remember The Women And Men Who Died.

Memorial Day, like a lot of summer holidays, are usually celebrated at the beach or at a barbecue.

We tend to forget to the meaning of the holiday as we all pack our bags and suntan lotion. This is just a reminder, as you bake, eat, drink and have fun in the sun, to take a small moment to thank the men and women who helped us have the freedom that we enjoy; many of the survivors have come back from duty, handicap and broken.

Marcelite Harris, the Air Force's first African-American female general.

And let’s not forget, it’s not just white men that have given their life for our freedom but women; mothers; sisters and daughters in shades of white-to-black-to brown and beyond. We also forget many of our fallen brothers and sisters were gay, straight, bi and transgendered.

Today I will throw an extra hamburger on the grill for all the women and men who gave their life for our freedom, I hope you remember them too.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Big Bang Theory’s Jim Parsons Likes Dudes; Nerds Shocked.

Glasses were pushed harder on noses at computer screens, pant legs raised even higher as shocked nerds stop watching porn long enough to find out that “The Big Bang Theory’s” Jim Parsons is gay and in a 10-year relationship; what the heck?

Truth be told, 39-year-old Parsons didn’t “come out” in People magazine or get caught with his Hanes briefs around his ankles in Central Park. The New York Times helped Parsons admit his alternative lifestyle when doing a profile about him and the play, “The Normal Heart”, which is a revival of the groundbreaking Larry Kramer play about AIDS that Parsons stared in months ago. Parsons is now on Broadway in "Harvey.

'"The Normal Heart” resonated with him on a few levels: Mr. Parsons is gay and in a 10-year relationship, and working with an ensemble again onstage was like nourishment,” The New York Times reported.

Matt Bomer needs to shower, any takers?
Did the Times out Parsons? Well he never denied it, but didn’t really talk about it. Nerds will get over it, and it’s nice to have another member of “the family.”

Some other quiet TV-homo-hotties that don’t talk about it are:

Matt Bomer, star of TV’s “White Collar” and the upcoming sausage fest of male beauty in one movie, “Magic Mike,” which stars some of the best looking dudes in Hollywood. Bomer is partnered and raising two kids; he is one hot ass dad.

Zachary Quinto, star of “Hero’s,” American Horror Story and the reboot of “Star Trek.” Quinto is pretty laid back about his lad-loving, but rumor is his new boyfriend is “Glee” actor Jonathan Groff.

Zachary Quinto can "beam me up"

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Airlines To Charge 4 Window, Aisle Seats; Little Timmy Sits With Strangers.

First the Terrorist’s make it annoying to fly; now airlines claim they need to make more money to pay for their big-assed-security-check-in nit-wits. It was announced last year that one airline would install pay toilets (bet the apple juice is free) on planes to make more money, now comes word that airlines are going to be charging an extra $25 or more each way for window and aisle seats.

It’s crappy but not so annoying if you're just friends, but families with kids (some going on their first summer trip together) can’t sit next to each other unless they fork over the extra green? This is garbage; a family of four will have to cough up an additional $200 or more; what's next? Will airlines start renting the over head luggage bins to store your toddler?

I contacted a popular airline and asked about the brewing controversy; they said a good way to avoid the extra $25 fee is to book months in advance; also adding, “it’s really not that much extra money when it improves your flight experience.” Well here’s a way to improve my flight experience “Susan” why not stop raping passengers from behind without as much as a free dinner.

I’m not naïve to think that airlines don’t have higher bills with fuel and such, but if the charges start outweighing the “experience” I bet most families will only travel to places reachable by car, this way if you’re stuck in a small space and grandma Ginny passes gas; at least it’s your grandma, and not someone else’s grandma next to you on a plane.

Update: Thanks to my article here at hudsontayloryourmind and media reports, Senator Charles Schumer is asking airlines to waive the extra fee for families to be able to sit together on a plane; as of now the airlines stuffed themselves with peanuts, and would only say that "families should book a year ahead." Still a BS answer. Hopefully with heat from Mr. Schumer airlines will be forced to do the right thing; If not pack some Mace in little Timmy's suitcase this summer.


Thursday, May 17, 2012

Last Dance: Donna Summer Dies Of Lung Cancer at 63.

Donna Summer wasn’t too happy about being labeled “the queen of disco,” but she really hated being known as “the first lady of love,” because she became a born again Christian in 1980 and it sounded too sexual. After being born again Summer even refused to sing her first hit, 1976’s “Love To Love You Baby.” where a young Summer moaned and moaned about loving her man.

Donna Summer had many hits in her career and even made a comeback of sorts with the great 2008 album, “Crayons,” that reached the top 20 charts. She was working on a new album at the time of her death.

Summer died of lung cancer in Florida surrounded by family. What’s amazing in this tell-all age where celebrities and normal folk alike share useless information, Summer kept her cancer a secret; you can bet if it was a Kim Kardashian or a Jessica Simpson with cancer, they would have run to “People” magazine from the initial doctor's diagnosis to broker a deal to share the pain with the public. It’s sad but inspiring to know a woman who shared so much in her songs, Summer chose to keep the pain of her cancer to herself, showing the disease may have been killing her, but it couldn’t break her spirit as a private person.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

VEEP Gets My Vote For Best New Sitcom Of The Year.

HBO has finally found a half hour comedy series to compete with high quality dramas such as “Game Of Thrones” and “True Blood.”

VEEP follows wacky vice president Julia-Louis Dreyfus and her staff as they maneuver day-to-day life in Washington DC; which is pretty much how it would have been if Sarah Palin (without the laughs) had got her pointy toed heels into the White House.

Dreyfus plays “Selina Meyer” a confused and dirty mouthed politician, who can’t even get a phone call with the President, let alone a visit with him. Selina spends her days with her staff, trying to outwit the nitwits in Washington and still have time to ignore her teenage daughter and have phone sex with her husband.

Dreyfus’s comic timing brings plenty of laughs and has finally found a role that makes you forget all about Seinfeld. Though Dreyfus is the most well known here the supporting cast is excellent. Don’t be surprised at how many nominations this show gets next year around awards season (HBO has picked it up already for a second season)
Reid Scott gets my vote for HOT!

I watch a lot of TV and have to say it’s hard for me to “laugh out loud” literally anymore, but VEEP does it to me again and again. If you want some smart British sitcom type laughs, get a bottle of wine and watch the first four episodes on demand at HBO, or go to and watch for them for free on their site.

Here’s a preview of VEEP.


Sunday, May 13, 2012

Happy Mother’s Day from the Long Island Hot Dog Hooker

She was busted last week for selling wieners and hand-jobs out of her hot dog truck, and she is a mother four. What do you think her kids are giving her for Mother's Day; a one way ticket out of town? Or maybe a cake with a pair of bar cutters in it.

Smelling of mustard and other odors Catherine Scalia (or Hot Dog Hooker) pleaded guilty to one count of prostitution, wants to make it clear that her plea was only a technicality and that she’d prefer the pseudonym “hot dog stripper.” Instead

“I’m not pleading guilty to prostitution, I’m pleading guilty to being a stripper,” Catherine Scalia told reporters. “Prostitution is sex and I am Sister Theresa here.”

Cops roasted Scalia last week, after she supposedly offered an undercover cop sex in exchange for money. Of course the cops and Scalia tell different tales.

The police say “an undercover cop bought two hot dogs for five bucks out of her privately owned camper-turned-food truck. That’s when he asked for the specials and Scalia offered a striptease later that night for one-hundred dollars at her East Rockaway home. The cop showed up and said Scalia wanted to perform sex acts for an additional fifty.” Damn that’s a bargain.

When Scalia heard the cops version of her arrest she turned hot dog red, “I gave my business card to an undercover officer. He called me up and said, ‘You want to come to my house?’ He came to mine,” she said. “I start doing my dance. The next thing you know, the cuffs were on me, I was charged with prostitution.”

Out of jail and armed with a bikini top and plenty of condiments, Looking like a moderen (or current) Robin Byrd, Scalia has vowed to strut her stuff this summer by offering horny straight men a wiener and a good time.

I have to say I don’t find anything wrong with it, let her do it, if there’s guys out there who want to buy hot dogs from her and get a handy-J while adding extra onions-so be it. I think "The Hot Dog Hooker" and "Tan Mom" should have their own reality show; i'm sure day-to-day life with these two loons would be entertaining; I can see the print ad for it now.

     Tan Mom and Hot Dog Hooker: Watch them both boil.

Like "Hot Dog Hooker," "Tan Mom" also has bad fashion sense.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Cousins Can Legally Marry In North Carolina But Not Gays; WTF?

North Carolina passed a constitutional amendment Tuesday defining marriage solely as a union between a man and a woman, becoming the latest state-of-hate to stop the love of two same sex persons that desire to be happy and married. One of the biggest jokes is North Carolina lets cousins get married but not gays; what the hell is in the water, or should I say the Gin?

Since North Carolina feels it’s so great, I thought I would do my best “Jessica Fletcher” and solve the mystery about what one “can do” in North Carolina.

Every year on the third Saturday in June, people supposedly come from across the nation to see the National Hollerin’ Contest. Contestants compete in such contests as the Whistlin’ Contest, the Conch Shell and Fox Horn Blowin’ Contest; sounds pretty gay to me.

Belhaven Memorial Museum will surely blow your sucks down. This museum is the result of Mrs. Eva Blount Way’s penchant for collecting buttons. When she died in 1962 at age 93, Mrs. Way had amassed some 30,000 buttons; so this is a museum full of buttons? This is the place you take your kids; when they’ve been bad.

New York’s got the ball that drops, North Carolina has a “Possum Drop” to celebrate the New Years, and I quote, “A live possum in a festively decorated Plexiglas container is gently lowered to signify the beginning of the New Year. Of course, the event wouldn’t be complete without music, homemade cider and a pageant to elect Miss Possum.” I see now why they don’t want gays getting hitched in North Carolina, with all those “purty” drag queens running around they’d be a shoo-in for Miss Possum.

For good measure I threw in some other wacky laws from North Carolina.

1. The mere possession of a lottery ticket is illegal in North Carolina and may result in a $2,000 fine.

2. Persons in possession of illegal substances must pay taxes on them.

3. it’s against the law to sing off key.

4. Elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields.

5. While having sex, you must stay in the missionary position and have the shades pulled.

6. Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Worst Dressed at the 2012 Met Costume Ball.

Marc Jacobs; yikes, looks someone is back on drugs,
and where did he get those shoes? A horny Pilgrim?

The Costume Institute Gala, mainly known to you and me as the Met Ball was held last night in New York. The yearly event has been nicknamed the Oscars of the East Coast; the hot-to-trot event is an annual ball that celebrates the opening of The Met’s fashion exhibit at the Costume Institute.

Coked up fashion industry experts and style magazines consider the event, which is hosted by Vogue magazine, to be the fashion world's best red carpet event. The party has been an annual affair at the Met since 1948 and is probably the only time most of these Stars ever pay a visit to a museum.

I heard Mary-Kate Olsen asked when arriving,”where are the mummies?” if the dung- for-brains dear had just looked around at all the Botox; anyone could have been her mummy for the night.


"I'm Melting! I'm Melting!" Beyonce auditions for the Wicked Witch
of The West role in the new remake of Wizard Of Oz; "oh the pain!"
See Cristina Ricci; if you put too much water on it; it will grow.
Mary-Kate Olsen; Crack is whack, please get help.

Great way to use up all that tin foil around the house karolina kurkova

Queen of Vogue and taste? Anna Wintour looks like an "Angels" Vibrator.

Friday, May 4, 2012

What we DON’T need; Cell phone service to start in NYC subways in 2012.

If you’ve ever been on a bus, Starbucks or even waiting in line at CVS you probably are accustomed to some loud mouth on their cell phone, usually the conversation is boring and annoying; I wish one of these gabby geeks would at least talk about sex or killing someone for their inheritance; that’s a conversation I could listen to when waiting in line to buy Maalox and People magazine.

Transit Wireless, a company formed to respond to the Metropolitan Transit Authority’s requirement for a shared wireless for New York Transit, has announced service is available in two stations as of now (14th and 23rd streets) with 30 more in the incoming year, including Times Square, Rockefeller Center and Columbus Circle. It’s bad enough my doctor talks on his handsfree cell phone when he’s also asking me to turn my head and cough; now this, where does one go to these days without being subjected to asinine conversation?

Also with the stink of homeless drunks your NYC subway car will offer random groping; obese people trying to get into tiny spaces and if you’re lucky a good old fashioned mugging. If you really want to enjoy what the MTA is offering you can also use their free Wi-Fi; yeah, I really want people hanging all over me when I update my Facebook status to; it’s complicated.

I guess there’s some good news, if an emergency happens underground; you’ll have cell phone service to call for help because, “you’ve fallen and can’t get up!” though I just think it’s another way for narcissistic people to bombard you with their personal life; thinking every minute detail of their stupid day will have you gasping with anticipation, and unless your under 18-years-old, does anyone really care about listening to someone blab nonsense?