Friday, December 27, 2013

Why Do Celebrities Give Their Kids Stripper Names?



When Beyonce popped out her kid in what seemed like only 3 months of pregnancy; she named the little apple of her eye, Blue Ivy; why doesn’t Blue Ivy just put in an application now for “Pedro’s Jiggle Jungle” on Route 31?

Many Stars like to show off; it’s one of the things that helps them get attention. Some name their kid’s normal names; take George Foreman, named all five of his boys George after himself; maybe his head got hurt in the ring too many times.

Other Celebrities tend to name their kids after what they like to eat; take Gwyneth Paltrow, less famous for movie roles these days and more famous for naming her kid Apple; it’s like Gwenie was sitting around giving birth, saw a bowel of fruit and presto-a name; luckily their wasn’t a bowl of Fig Newton’s by.

Those eyes, those lips. Maxi? in moms make-up again.
Jessica Simpson has made a career out of stupid things; don’t believe me? She was pregnant for years; when the kid came out she had acne and wanted a drivers license.

Jess has named the little Tatar Tot, Maxwell and has already taken to calling her Maxi-as in Maxi-pad; sure this kid won’t be made fun of in school.

Will celebrities ever stop giving thier kids wacky names? Sure and Playboy will hire Rosanne for a nude layout.







For my dear readers, I’ve composed a list of celebrity kid’s names that sound like strippers.

Erykah Badu: Puma; this chick must LOVE some sneakers, and a bong.

Victoria and David Beckham: Harper Seven; they must have been on Mars with Tom Cruise too long.

Bob Geldof: Peaches Honey; if she doesn’t become a stripper, porn actress will be fine.

Barbara Hershey: Free; who wants to bet this kid gets the “Lunchables” kicked out of him?

Kate Hudson: Ryder; Just like her movies, this name sucks.

Penn Jillette: Moxie Crimefighter; Too bad he can’t make this name disappear.

Jamie Oliver: Poppy Honey and Daisy Boo; he can’t get porky US kids thin, or pick good names.

Vanilla Ice: Dusti Rose; at least her pole money can help dad pay the cable bill.


Blue Ivy sure is cute; glad she favors Beyonce and not Jay-z. And is it me or does she look American Indian?

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

It’s Your Money That They Want: John Travolta & Olivia Newton-John’s Xmas CD.




Who would ever think we’d need another celebrity butchering classic Christmas music? Not me that’s for sure.

I was taken aback when I saw the cover of John Travolta, 59, and Oliva Newton-John’s, 65, new Christmas album, This Christmas.

On the cover both are wearing odd wigs and are nipping (naughty, naughty) spiked eggnog; they might have been sipping the old bottle long after, to agree this album cover was a winner; in fact this album cover makes me have Anderson Cooper type giggles and makes this writer wonder; is this really the best picture of all the pictures they took?

At first I thought this was a Halloween album until I saw the computer imposed presents and pine trees; Travolta and John seem to be laughing it up, as if they’re saying in the cover art, “can you believe how many suckers will buy this shit?”

If you were a fan of “Grease” (which I was and I hate; no wait loathe musicals) you’ll see I’m not so one sided. Hell, I even kinda-not really-but find it campy enjoy Travolta and John’s other movie pairing, “Two of a Kind,” which had both Stars sporting lesbian haircuts and falling in love.

I guess people who mega love Travolta and John will piss themselves when they get this for Christmas and good for them; I’m glad it’s being released too, but for different reasons. If you can, check out the music video they made for the album on YouTube for the song, "I think you'll like it," -you won't, but it's so cheap looking and campy you'll love it.


"This Christmas" Is Available Now; have some spiked eggnog or maybe a hit of Acid, Here’s the track listing:

1. Baby It's Cold Outside, So How About A Massage?

2. Rockin' Around The Fire Island Pines (featuring Adam Lambert)

3. I'll Have A New Toupee For Christmas (featuring William Shatner)

4. Bearded Christmas (featuring Tom Cruise)

5. Silent Night (When The Wife Found Out)

6. All I Want For Christmas Is Baby Oil and Fresh Towels.

7. Have Yourself A Greasy Little Christmas (featuring Eliot Spitzer)

8. Deck The Husband (featuring Kelly Preston)

9. After Labor Day White Christmas.

10.I Think You Might Like It (featuring “Carl” from Jake’s Massage)

11. I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus And The Mailman Too (featuring Ella Bleu Travolta)



Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Are Jews Really Cheap? And Other Mysteries Solved



A friend of mine was recently sharing a story with me over cocktails. He has a new personal trainer and when they were starting a session, the trainer made a remark to my friend that his previous client was trying to “Jew him down.” My friend, who is Jewish was insulted. I remarked that the personal trainer was stupid because when dealing with the public, you can’t always tell who-is-what when it comes to religion. One of the first things they teach you in beauty school is: don’t talk about religion or politics with your customers. In my opinion the trainer isn’t a racist, just an idiot.

Since I’ve known many Jewish people over the years I‘ve found some of them are really cheap, but most are not. It made me think; what other myths can I debunk?

*Pulling Out Grey Hair Makes More Grey Hair Grow: This is a myth, the real fact is once grey hair starts growing in; it doesn’t stop, rather you pull them out or not.

*Black People Talk Too Much At The Movies: This is true, but I’ve been in the movies with many different races and they blabbed while the movie was playing as well.

*Kanye West and Lady Gaga’s New Albums Suck: Yes, and both have bombed on the charts and sold less than any of their previous albums; can they do better? Hell yes.

*Should Men Be Eating A Lot Of Soy? : No, unless you want Man Boobs. Soy Beans are rich in phytoestrogens, which is like a natural estrogen; for women this can be beneficial, but for men it can decrease the libido and give you a Simon Cowell type chest.

 

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Madonna, 55, Dumps BoyToy, 25, Caught With Lourdes, 17.

Rumors have Madonna turning into a Girl Gone Wild.

This is an HTYM EXCLUSIVE. It's been alleged that  Madonna's young, French stud boyfriend, Brahim Zaibat was caught kissing her 17-year-old daughter, Lourdes.

Of course many are giggling over cocktails that Lourdes and Brahim are closer in age, and if the aging Material Girl wants to indulge in young street meat; she should keep them away from her beautiful, young daughter.
Madonna is said to be so upset that she rushed into the arms of her Ex husband, Sean Penn, and spent Thanksgiving with him, volunteering in Haiti.

Others say Madonna is bored with Brahim, and helped to get him a spot on Dancing With The Stars: France, just to get away from him (Can you believe he is considered a Star because he bangs Madonna?)

Sources tell me that Lourdes could care less about Brahim and his lusty eyes, and is in love with Timotheé Chalamet, an actor from the Showtime show, "Homeland."

No matter what really happened, many Madonna fans told me that they wished Madonna would drop all the young hustlers with Frozen hearts, and get back to her one true love, Sean Penn.
 

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Fast & Furious Actor Paul Walker Dies In Car Crash.


Actor Paul Walker, 40,  most famous for the "Fast And Furious" movie franchise, died Saturday, ironically in a car accident, his publicist said.
"Sadly, I must confirm that Paul did pass away this afternoon in a car accident. It is with a truly heavy heart that we must confirm that Paul Walker passed away today in a tragic car accident while attending a charity event for his organization Reach Out Worldwide. He was a passenger in a friend's car, in which both lost their lives."

Walker was as known for his sky blue eyes, blonde hair and blasé attitude as well as his addiction to an high octane lifestyle and often described himself as an adrenaline junkie.

He made many movies but is most known for "The Fast And The Furious" movies, which usually dealt with fights, feisty women and fast cars.

Raised Mormon, Walker left his faith to work in Hollywood and hit it big in his first hit movie, "Varsity Blues."

Walker was working on a seventh " Fast And Furious" film at the time of his death. he leaves behind a young daughter, named Meadow. RIP.

 

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Broke Is A Joke. Tori Spelling Sex Tape Is Out There.


Times are tough these days, even grown-up rich kids like Tori Spelling are crying poverty. Spelling, who keeps having babies with a husband who never works, didn’t get much when her father, mega producer Arron Spelling hit the dirt. Now a week after Spelling whined she was broke, a sex tape of her and her dead beat hubby is said to have been “stolen” from their house and is on the market for sale. Spelling, who looks like a cross between a Tarsier monkey and Gollum from ”The Lord Of The Rings,” must be really desperate; who the hell wants to see Tori Spelling naked and having sex with her broke husband? Not anyone outside of prison.
Here is a way for you guys to make money; stop having some many children and make your husband get a frigging job already, even if it’s at Target.  
It’s hard to have sympathy for rich people when they cry poverty, I’m sure there are a few who legitimately lose everything, but most of them went broke by buying worthless crap. I refuse to contribute my tears for them when there are soldiers who come home from active service and can’t get a job; that is the real horror.

If this anonymous person who is selling their sex tape, actually sells the thing, I guess one can’t complain. Me, I’ll waste my hard earned money on another margarita.


 

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Stevie Nicks Will Appear On American Horror Story: Coven.

 
Just like the white winged dove, Stevie Nicks, 65,  is still flying high, and soon to be guest starring on FX's huge hit "American Horror Story: Coven. No word yet on what Nick's will be doing, but a little bird told me she'll be a witch; what a surprise!
 
Series creator Ryan Murphy made the announcement today and already the web is a buzz. We here at HTYM will get out our shawls, dust off the love beds and turn the smoke machine on full blast in honor of Ms. Nicks making her acting debut.

Murder, She Wrote Remake Has Angela Lansbury Pissed Off.


NBC has had some massive failures with remakes of classic TV shows, “Bionic Woman”, and this season’s flop, “Ironside” come to mind. Now they are working on a reboot of the classic series, Murder She Wrote, which ran for 12 seasons on CBS. The new Murder She Wrote will star Octavia Spenser,43, who got an Oscar for “The Help,” Let’s hope this new "Jessica Fletcher" doesn’t make any pies for any of the suspects in the new series.
The old Murder She Wrote had Angela Lansbury playing school teacher-turned author-turned Sleuth. The reboot will find Spenser playing a hospital administrator, who self publishes a book and turns into an amateur sleuth.

Angela Lansbury, 88, has flared her famous big eyes when she heard that NBC is using the Murder She Wrote title. Lansbury spoke to the Associated Press about the remake.” I think it's a mistake to call it Murder, She Wrote, because Murder, She Wrote will always be about a Cabot Cove and this wonderful little group of people who told those lovely stories and enjoyed a piece of that place, and also enjoyed Jessica Fletcher, who is a rare and very individual kind of person."
She has a point there. I discovered MSW years after it aired, I have to say I’m a big fan of the show, and especially (as many do) love the episodes set in Cabot Cove.

Lansbury continued, "So I'm sorry that they have to use the title Murder, She Wrote, even though they have access to it and it's their right." NBC, which is owned by Universal has the rights to the show.
Lansbury has no ill will for Spenser, "I saw her in The Help and thought she was absolutely wonderful, a lovely actress. So I wish her well, but I wish it wasn't in Murder, She Wrote." Oh, I think that was, Murder, She Spat!
Some are saying Lansbury has sour mouth because she has stated interest in re-starring in a remake and Universal turned her down cold, sighting high cost to produce with her (Lansbury had many of her family members working on the old show, and getting paid big bucks)
I’ll hold judgment until I see the pilot. I do agree that they shouldn’t have called it MSW, but the name will make a lot of people watch it; at least for the first episode, and from there is where the writers and producers have to capture the audience. MSW was one of those rare shows where an older woman was the Star and was continually in the top 10 for years. Let’s hope this new version is even better; I love a good mystery.

As of now many fans are behind Lansbury, and there are rumors, thanks to bad press, that NBC is feeling the heat to not even call the show Murder She Wrote.

 

Monday, November 4, 2013

How I Met My Mother.


 
My birth mother’s existence was often like sightings of Big Foot; possibly a myth that tended to roam the earth in different states. But nobody could ever get a clear picture, including me.
Having an adopted mother who died in 1998 made me think that my ‘having parents’ days we’re long gone, and too be honest I really didn’t need to have parents. I made it in one of the toughest cities on my own after growing up in the hood, and I’m so proud of myself. I’m not rich by any means, and still struggle but I live in Manhattan, on my own; in a great one-bedroom and in one of the best neighborhoods in NY. I have a good career that gives me a lot of time to pursue writing, and I’m happy. I have no ties, no one to burden me with their life and it feels damn great.

People are always amazed when I would say my parents we’re dead, often remarking, “oh I don’t know what I would do.” Well, I always think you learn to deal with it, you have to go on and survive or just wither up and die.

Two months ago I was searching the internet and I looked up my birth mother, and found she was looking for me on various websites. I was cautious but interested (meeting her for the first time at 15, didn’t go too well after a couple of years and we never talked again) I planned to tell her just how she hurt me with the first time I met her, and then also the last time I saw her.
We talked on the phone and made a date to meet. Monday came and I was ready to face my fears. I had changed my last name and tried to run from my family and seeing her would bring me back into the fold, 23-years later with people I had tried to forget about.
Waiting for her with birds chirping at an outdoor restaurant, the waiter asked if I would like to order something, I replied, “no. I’m waiting for my mother.” The words seemed cold to me. Who was this woman? I really didn’t know and to call her mother; some people would say she didn’t deserve the title. But I stopped holding on to that, and the past. Soon it felt good to say those words. Almost like I wanted to jump on the table and scream, I’m waiting for my mother! I. Have. A. Mother!

The last time my mother saw me I had bleached blonde hair and wore enough black eyeliner to choke Liza Minnelli. When she entered it took me awhile to recognize her; she didn’t recognize me, and I took that for a good thing. Meeting her could have gone many different ways. I could have “told her like it is,” like I have with various people over the years. Instead I let it all go, the past, and it’s not like I can forget everything and become a perfect person from it, but I can understand her better, as she didn’t have it easy as well. Being pregnant at fifteen with a family who all wanted to run the other way instead of helping her didn’t make her life easy. Sitting with her I didn’t have anger for her, I had pity. One learns over time that your parents did the best they could do for you.
Usually what hurt you at the time isn’t remembered by them, and vice versa; so why not just let it go and judge them for how they are now?
I think I can have a relationship with my mother, but it’s not like instant potatoes; add water and butter; get mother. We have a long road to take, and I’m ready to go down it again, no matter how bumpy it could get.

Monday, October 21, 2013

Debbie Harry Werks "Happy B'day" Marilyn Monroe Look on Project Runway All Stars.



Blondie lead singer and actress, Debbie Harry may have turned 68(!) this year, but you'd never know it by seeing how great she looks as a guest judge on the new season of Project Runway All Stars, premiering October 24, 2013. Giving matte lips and the same hair Marilyn Monroe wore when she sang Happy Birthday to the very married, president of the United States, John. f. Kennedy.

Many people are gagging in hair salons when seeing Harry's photo's from the showing one can age and get some work done, with out looking like a drag queen form hell; Asian or a space alien.

 Harry still can stop a man cold, and make a gay man wish he was straight, in the hope to spend the night with one of New York cities most famous blondes.


Many singers come and go, and it's good to see Ms. Harry looking better than ever. I guess it's no wonder Harry will never drop out of site. Early 2014 brings a new Blondie album "Ghost of Download," and Blondie single, the terrific, "A Rose By Any Name." Long live Debbie Harry!

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Sarah Palin Has AIDS...Asshole Immune Difficulty Syndrome.

















SARAH PALIN IS such a maggot; anytime there's
a way she can get press, she comes from under her rock and gets her plastic surgery-wax-face in front of the action and the camera's. 


   Case in point, the recent rally she was at to protest the troops not getting paid because of the government shutdown. You think she gives a crap about the troops? Grow A brain! As soon as her picture was taken, she was back home shooting defenseless animals, and home schooling her spawn; leaving her slack jawed supporters running around hyped up and knocking things over. She is one of the worst excuses for a human being, ever.

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Zac Efron in Rehab for Cocaine; Will Monkey(or Elmo) Stay off?


Well another Disney Star's image gets flushed down the toilet; "High School Musical's" Zac Efron, 25,  has completed his second time in rehab this week.

Sources at various salons and gossip sites have reported that the squeaky clean actor has had addictions to cocaine and Ecstasy, which had many surprised because you never heard any gossip about the hunka-hunka-pretty-boy-cheese actor doing anything nasty.
Hopefully Efron can beat the demon's away with a bat.

One wonders if this is just a gimmick to give the handsome, yet dull actor some publicity as his career after the Disney films seems headed in the way of "Dancing With The Stars." and he doesn't seem to be on any hot casting directors list's; except the ones who want to bang him.

If it is a ruse to get attention don't be surprised if it works; Miley Cyrus loves showing her 12-year-old-Asian-boy body off and licking things like a dog in heat, and people "can't stop" talking and laughing about her.



 

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Miley Cyrus Twerk’s Herself Out Of Vogue Cover.


 
Don’t fuck with Anna Wintour, editor-in-chief of Vogue magazine. Cyrus, 20, has already shot the photos that we’re going to be the Vogue cover story for the December 2013 issue. Well that’s until Cyrus danced a weird, rumored drugged out performance at the MTV Video Music Awards, in which she stuck out a tongue that a snake would have been embarrassed of; danced around like she’s got gonorrhea and played with a huge finger, that seemed wasn’t big enough for the former Hanna Montana star, who many are calling Whore-tana. When Wintour lowered her Tom Ford sunglasses and saw Cyrus; she was rumored to yell, “hell-to-the no!” and promptly canned her from being on the cover.
 
I have to say I’m glad that someone has class these days. This is Vogue magazine, not some moronic rag that features Kardashians and reality Stars with manure for brains, and don’t give me that crap about Cyrus is like Madonna, breaking rules; Madonna might have never been a lady, but she was a woman when she came out, not a little girl taking off her clothes every-time she’s not getting attention. When will people realize, sex is great, sex is good, but it’s not the only thing in the life. If we as a society would promote using our brains as well as our bodies we wouldn’t have so many unwanted pregnancies in the world, and so many people on medication for depression.
No word yet if Vogue will ever use the Cyrus pictures. Meanwhile Cyrus, who should be bored already, with taking off her panties when the wind hits, has just released a new song and video (Wrecking Ball) in which she’s naked on a wrecking ball, and licking a hammer; way to go Miley, why even wear clothes anymore at all? Just make all you’re feature appearances in the nude, this way when you’re dancing and moaning about in barely their clothes, your attentions won’t seem so transparent.


 

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Judge Judy Shows Off In Bikini. Guilty! Of Being Hot!


"Beauty fades, dumb is forever!"-Judge Judy.

Wow, check out Judge Judy showing her bikini body; who knew she had that under her robe!

Some men have been burning up looking at the sassy MILF's picture; we're sure she'd tell any horny admirers to get a life!

Thursday, September 5, 2013

How to Survive FALL, Gracefully.


Well it’s here, the end of summer and I still can’t believe another year is almost half over. I’m not ready for Santa Claus and his damn reindeer, and I hope he chokes on his North Pole.

When spring came I had so many hopes, dreams and visions of a clean closet, and it’s all been swallowed down like a chug of Pepto-Bismol; straight from the bottle.

This was the summer I was going to lose those pesky 10 pounds; become famous; and finally meet a man who doesn’t run when he realizes he’s in a relationship.

Well I lost 10 pounds, but soon turkey, pumpkin pie and chocolate foiled balls will fix that. I had a summer love that was over by September 2 after he checked his calendar I think, screw him, and I’m still not famous except at my gym; for singing Jay-Z on the treadmill.

I’ll miss my summer clothes and walks outside, the beach and how New York smells like urine in the summer; some of it animal, some of it human.

But I am happy, and at peace and grateful for everything I have. In this age when people post their every move from eating-to-farting-to-walking on Facebook, I’m content with my life. I want more and will get it but I’m not overly consumed with my mistakes and things I don’t have; I’m happy to be healthy (if not in mind) and ready for my next adventure; plus by next summer (hopefully) George R. R Martin will have finally released the new “Fire & Ice,” ‘Game Of Thorns’ book, and that will make me very happy indeed.

 

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Family Sue State & Bullies Who Teased Son Until He Hung Himself.


Little 12-year-old Joel Morales tried to go to school like other little boys and girls but he stood out. He was a small framed boy, who was very short for his age, stuttered, had problems with motor skills and was prone to anxiety attacks; in the end he was a perfect target for bullies. His torture only ended after he hung himself in his parents bathroom.

Even after the Morales family complained to the Board of Education, nothing was done. When the school finally moved Joel Morales to another nearby school, the bullies from the old school would just wait until little Joel got out of school, and still abused him.

I hate most people who sue, and find people who do; money hungry or vendetta crazy when they take people to court, but obviously I believe the Morales family should sue the board of Ed and the little monsters who tortured little Joel on a daily basis. I want these kids who abused him to pay, and the board of Ed to do a better job of protecting our kids when they go to school, because if kids aren’t safe at school, then where would they be safe?
 
Also the Board Of Ed will fine you and threaten parents with jail if you don’t send your kids to school; so if they can’t protect kids like Joel, why send them to school?     

I was like little Joel; I was poor and teased, spit on, punched, and laughed at by the animals who graced New Jersey schools. No teacher ever tried to help me, and my last day of school was when a new guard said he was going to rape me after calling me a faggot. If I knew what I know now, I would sue the school, and the little monsters who made my formative years hell. I wish I could have told Joel, that It Does Get Better, there are people who will love him, and not treat him like garbage.

Hopefully little Joel didn’t kill himself in vain; maybe people only listen when you hit them where it hurts; the pocketbook.

 

 

Monday, August 26, 2013

First Comes Gay Marriage; Then Comes Gay Divorce.


 

“Glee” actress and lady lover Jane Lynch, 53, got married to Dr. Lara Embry in Massachusetts in 2010. In July 2013, the pants-suit loving Star filed for divorce from Embry, bragging that their breakup is "not dramatic," adding, "It's not a horrible thing. It's two people who just decide it's better to go apart than stay together."

But there was something fishy, and now Embry has given Lynch the finger by demanding through the courts that Lynch should pay her attorney fees and also cough up monthly spousal support. What went wrong? Did they get married because they loved each other? Or did they get ticked off by morons telling them they couldn’t get married, and felt they’d “show them.”

That a doctor like Embry should ask for spousal support is interesting; it’s not like she’s working at Dunkin Donuts; it really shows that she’s bitter about something.
 
Being a couple has its ups and downs, sometimes things and some people are just not meant to be. It will be interesting to see how things go with gay marriage in another 10 years; when most gays will actually give more thought about spending the rest of their life with the same person; something tells me if Lynch has to pay up, many gays with money will learn to have a prenup before the walk down the lavender aisle.

The first gay couple, Robin Tyler and Diane Olson to get legally married, soon filed for divorce last year after being together for over 40 years. Was it because they were pressured into getting married, and trying to prove to a hostile world, that they too had the right to have their love & commitment recognized by law? I don’t think so, they’re marriage ended because they couldn’t be together anymore. Gay or straight; we’re all alike after all.


Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Justin Bieber: Naked In Front Of His Granny; File This Under; Gross.


Justin Bieber, 19, can't keep his clothes on, and seems to be in competition with Lady GaGa when it comes to dropping panties for any reason, and a lot of young girls are popping their hymens while eye-balling the sassy, little teenage dreams pictures.

What's really gross is Bieber got naked in front of his grandma; here's the scoop; pictures courtesy of TMZ.

The Bieb's was home for Thanksgiving, and staying at his grandmother's place. As the family gathered over a table of turkey and all the trimmings, Bieb's was still sleeping off Lord-knows-what, but as he awoke around 2 or 3 in the afternoon in his best jammies, he thought it would be "funny" to knock on granny's door, butt naked and singing with a  guitar.

Everyone was said to laugh at the "prank" because they like Biebers fame and money. Granny was overheard by a family member later in the day,  remarking, "I thought I'd get a turkey leg for Thanksgiving, and all I saw was giblets."

Of course I want to know; what pervert shot the photos, and worse yet, sold them to TMZ? Also I love that he shows his bare butt, with God's picture on his back leg; talk about weird!

Who knows what Bieber will do, or take off next, but a world full of teenage girls and older gay men will be waiting with a bottle of Rite Aid lotion, watching.





 

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Splash Bar To Close After 22-Years On Sunday.


The end of Splash bar happens this Sunday.
When I heard Chelsea’s Splash bar would be turning off their smoke machine as of this Sunday; I felt sick to my stomach (just how I felt watching the second season of “Girls”) and though I live right down the street from Splash; I never go anymore, but fondly remember how it was. Years ago, long before online hook-up sites and gay bars that had clean bathrooms; Splash was the shit.
 

Splash is the place where I met many of my boyfriends, friends and enemies. It’s also the place where I had my last fist fight. When Splash opened in 1991, being gay was scary in many ways. AIDS was still robbing our community of famous and everyday people. Splash celebrated beauty, health and what we all needed at the time, good old fashioned fun. With its surf boards as counters and buff (often straight) muscular men showering as you gulped down your two-for-one drinks. Splash was a great place to go, to be gay, and let the stress of your work day fade away. Often on weeknights, my friend John and I would go and have a drink after work; followed by laughs; drinks and more laughs.

About a month ago, my buddy Frank and I went to Splash on a Sunday night. At the door they we’re charging $10 dollars to get in; and I really couldn’t see the point of paying and told Frank we should go somewhere else; a manager type guy walked over, and looked us up and down and said to the cashier, “these two can get in for free.” Feeling cuter than a set of twins with pigtails, we strutted in knowing this would be the night we would meet our future husbands; because we we’re “working it.” And as hot as hell.

Once inside, some of the same bartenders we’re working; the smoke machine was pumping and go-go boys we’re letting fools grab their junk for a buck. But this wasn’t the Splash bar of my youth; now the bar was filled with “Bridge & Tunnel” types who we’re sweaty and wasted. There wasn’t one looker in the joint! And for a huge bar with two floors-maybe there was 35-40 customers; not good. Now I see why they let us in for free; compared to that crowd of beef shank; we were two medium rare Fliet Mignons ready for the plate. Frank and I get our share of looks, but if we're the hottest at a gay bar; that's never a good thing.

So like my Abercrombie & Fitch printed T-shirts I gave up when I got into my 30’s, Splash will be a fond memory of my youth.

 


Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Kitten Set On Fire In April, Survives; Meet Justin.



In the fourth month of 2013, a cute five-week-old kitten, now named Justin, was doused with gasoline and set on fire and left to die on a lonely Philadelphia sidewalk by an unknown person or persons, or as I would put it; an unknown piece of garbage.

 
Many people watched the poor baby suffer but did nothing until a woman saved the badly burned feline. Little Justin was left with second-and third degree burns all over his small body and many thought he should just be put to sleep.


Luckily Justin had the Animal Alliance of New Jersey to help him recover, and through various donations, we’re able to perform the surgeries to remove most of the charred skin and help Justin with his recovery.

Last month Justin was released from the pet hospital, and soon adopted, and is doing very well. Though Justin’s ears are burned off, and he’ll have some slight medical problems for the rest of his life; his new mom, Kelley, has said his hair has grown back, and that he has just learned to walk up and down the stairs and is doing better every-day.

The police still have no clue who the pig, or pigs we’re who tried to kill a helpless baby. Hopefully if karma is real, someone will set them on fire and leave them to suffer and die, just like they did to Justin.

For more on Justin’s recovery, check out his new Facebook page: Justin, fire survivor.

 The last two shots are of Justin now; looks like a happy cat.