Saturday, March 30, 2013

Dionne Warwick Broke: What; Her Psychic Couldn’t See That?

Do you know the way, to the welfare office in San Jose?

Dionne Warwick, 72, is most famous for her singing in the late 60’s, 70’s and 80’s. In 1979 she flared her nostrils something fierce when she hosted “Solid Gold,” and younger people know her today as the cousin of Whitney Houston.

After “Solid Gold,” Warwick had a few more hit singles in the 1980’s. From 1991 to 1998 Warwick starred in late night commercials for The Psychic Friends Network; she became a laughing stock, but didn’t care as she believed in psychics and their power. Now Warwick has filed for bankruptcy; she owes over $10 million and just has $25K in assets: Why the hell couldn't her Dionne Warwick Psychic Friends Network predict this for her?

Many people are gossiping about how a legend like Warwick could fall so far from her throne; many whisper that Warwick never wrote any of her songs (like Whitney) and never gave up her lavish lifestyle when she was making money. Now her goose is cooked and Warwick can’t even enjoy her retirement; someone better, “say a little prayer” for her.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Perez Hilton Becomes A Mom; Poses 4 Creepy Photo’s.

A Hobbit looking Perez Hilton has shocked those who get easily shocked, by revealing that he has a new baby son, weirdly named, Mario Armando Lavandeira, III Perez Hilton, Jr. More normal people out of West Hollywood and Chelsea were appalled at the creepy naked photo’s Hilton took with his new accessory, oh; I mean baby.

Hilton, 34; wait he’s only 34? He looks a decade older, anyway. Hilton is not known for class or taste (he has been voted the worst dressed gay man in the world) but the thought of the tacky blogger with a child has raised the eyebrows of those, who can still raise an eyebrow. Many gossips wonder if itchy-pants Hilton has the right kind of lifestyle to take care of a child.

Hilton loves to blab about the famous but for now will not name the person, place or thing that has given him his precious buddle of joy. Many in the hair salon waiting room have joked that anyone that could breed with a scum bag like Hilton must have needed the money real bad.

Hilton is recent years has lost a ton of weight, many say thanks to surgery, in doing so Hilton has toned down the nastiness of his gossip website that made the over-toasted pop tart a celebrity.

Many whisper that his new, nicer website is not doing well, and maybe a softer, kinder-look-at-me-with-tiny-booties Perez will make the gossip seekers crawl back to his site.
Little Mario looks scared; we'd be scared too.
Hilton has thrown many hissy fits because he can’t get his own TV show, thanks to his unattractive appearance and even more grotesque personality, but now with a new baby, who knows. If Hilton’s career hits the skids like friend Paris; he could have a part in the next “Lord Of The Rings,” He wouldn’t even need a hairdresser on set. We here at HTYM wish Hilton a long career; because little Mario Armando Lavandeira, III Perez Hilton, Jr., is going to need a lot of therapy when he grows up.

Is a part in the next "Lord Of The Rings" in Hilton's future?

Monday, March 18, 2013

“Mama June” Weight Loss Upstages Madonna at Gladd Awards.

Honey Boo Boo’s mom, Mama June, worked the red carpet this weekend for the Gladd awards and many gays and obese photographers were shocked to see the country-loafed faced star has shed over 100 pounds since filming the first season of her hit reality show.

Many thought Madonna would grab all the headlines because she wore a Boy Scout outfit (some laughed that Madonna took it from her year’s younger and non-English speaking boyfriend) but alas Madonna can’t seem to get a break these days; no matter how much she tries to get in the papers. All the blogs and eyes were on Mama June (33!) who wore a tasteful black dress, diamonds and a stylish hair-do that was definitely not done at The Lemon Tree.

Many snobs thought Mama June would wear some messy looking frock she picked up at Walmart, and waddle in like she didn’t know how to act, but the sassy lass sure showed them; like “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” star Brandi Glanville's tag line in the show's intro says: "Money doesn’t give you class; it just gives you money." And if Mama June’s recent weight loss tells you anything; it’s that being on TV sure helps you throw out all that Pound cake after you see yourself.

Though June has a long way to go with losing weight; it’s nice to see a mom who can drop the lard, and hopefully soon that double chin, maybe the next season of her hit reality show should be re-titled, Here Comes Mama June.

Monday, March 11, 2013

Leave Taylor Swift Alone.

It’s amazing that people are losing their cookies over Taylor Swift’s love life; frankly I think people should shut up; she’s 23, rich and blonde, why not have fun before settling down? Just because she had dates with a lot of guys doesn't mean she had sex with all of them; she's not a Kardashian.

I understand we all get annoyed with someone so young and rich and feel we have to beat them down, and Swift does have her annoying habbits (posing with the left side of her face in every picture, being shocked when she wins an award) but still unlike a lot of her counterparts, she actually writes her own songs and can really sing.

Also unlike most young celebrities these days she doesn’t get caught panty-less or has a sex tape on the internet banging some loser; so why don’t people just back off America’s honky-tonk sweetheart and go about your own affairs?

All right I get it; we’re all guilty of nosing into the lives of the rich and famous and I enjoy writing about it, but there are certain subjects and stories that have beaten to death, and Swift’s love life is one of them. If anything, Swift should be rewarded for being picky when it comes to men and not believing the sweet nothings whispered from every Johnny Come Lately she has the chance to meet. Maybe if more young Hollywood girls were choosier about the men they move in with; there wouldn’t be so many lawsuits and unwanted babies in the world.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Why Kraft’s Mac & Cheese is really Frank'en & Cheese.

A Great example on why Americans are getting so fat and Europeans are not, is Kraft’s famous Macaroni & Cheese. For the US version of Kraft’s Mac & Cheese we get additives (yellow dye 5 and yellow dye 6, which many doctors believe cause allergies, migraines and, because yellow dyes are petroleum-based, cancer)

Since the UK has stricter rules regarding preservatives and additives Kraft uses natural beta carotene and paprika to make it almost the same color, and people who have tried both say they taste the same; so why do we get the fake crap in our Mac & Cheese and they get natural additives? Blimey!

When asked why Kraft only uses dye in their US version of “Frank'en & Cheese” the answer is simple, they save money. So what happens when most Americans grow up with dyes, salt and high fructose corn syrup? Obesity, diabetes and early death; does that sound Mmm, Mmm Good!?

Most of us can’t afford to buy only organic and live a preservative free life, but if Kraft can produce some foods without additives for Europe; why in the hell don’t we get the same versions of their popular brands in the US?

If you don’t care about yourself; how about your husband, or wife or children’s health?

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Holy Plastic Surgery! Lil Kim Now Looks Like Michael Jackson.

The pint sized potty mouthed singer has been tweaking her looks for years, unfortunately the fun size rapper needs to go to plastic surgery rehab (along with Bruce Jenner and Lindsay Lohan) because now the once cute singer looks like Michael Jackson.

Why black celebrities want to look like whiteys I’ll never know, back in my day black was beautiful.

Many wonder how Kim, 38, can afford all the surgeries; rap talents are known to love their bling-bling and the dish water diva hasn’t coughed up a new album in years. Kim is said to be dropping a new album soon and supposedly makes money from club appearances and store openings; I can just see her at a store opening, “Yeah yeah It’s me Queen Bee, Lil Kim, mother fu**ers, welcome to Piggly Wigglys.”

Kim’s last new album was in 2005 (The Naked Truth) and did not sell well due partly because she was in jail for a year (Kim was convicted of three counts of conspiracy and one count of perjury for lying to a Federal grand jury about her and her friends' involvement in a 2001 shooting outside the Hot 97 studios in Manhattan) Kim was dropped by Atlantic Records in 2006.

Old black Kim; with just a little stuff done, she looked better.
 Hopefully Lil Kim can stop talking smack about other female rappers and just put out a good album already, but by the looks of her plastic surgery addiction; it doesn’t seem like she’s in the right frame of mind just yet.