Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Molly the Bulldog Nurses Orphaned Kittens.

We here at HTYM don’t like to get to wishy-washy, but when we found this sweet story two years ago we just had to repeat it. Our cold, bitter hearts melted like Joan Rivers in the desert.

Molly, an American Bulldog has taken over nursing duties to a litter of kittens after their mom was hit by a car and killed. Molly herself just had a litter of puppies and I guess she thought, “me casa es su casa” (for you kids who flunked Spanish, “my house is your house.”)

Molly and the kitties belong to Elbert Bristow, 84, of Columbia, Alabama. Molly and the kittens mom gave birth only a day apart. "I've had dogs all my life. I've trained bird dogs and coon dogs," Bristow told the Eagle newspaper, "but this is the first time I've ever had a dog take a litter of kittens."

Bristow also told the Eagle that the kittens, which include one white, one orange, one grey and white, and one with Siamese-type markings, follow Molly around just like she was their mommy. “She spends 5 to 10 minutes with them at a time, and lies down and lets them eat.”

If you watch the video Molly just wags her tail when the kittens have a snack; this my sassy shamrocks is one sweet, beautiful dog. Most human moms these days don’t want to take care of their own kids, besides someone else’s. It really reminds me of what I’ve always said; if you’ve never loved a pet, you’ve never been in love.

No word yet when the little orphan pussies will go up for adoption, but I’m hoping someone on that farm gives sweet Molly a big bone and a bra after she’s done.

Watch the video below. Molly wags her tail the whole time!


Saturday, June 21, 2014

5 Worst Things Women Do On Dates.


Due to my popular article “11 worst things gay men do on first dates.” I thought I would give the single gals some advice on how to act. Who am I you might ask? I get paid to listen to people for a living so I have expert knowledge when it comes to things most men complain about. If you don’t want to take my advice, no problem—just stock up on some Muumuu’s and become a cat hoarder; it’s your life :) .

1.      Marriage carnage: Unless it’s about Kim & Kanye; don’t mention weddings. Men are visual creatures; you want him to be sexually attracted to you on the first date; not think of how annoying your family sounds if you get hitched.

2.      Sexy time: If you’re just looking for a booty call; save your best dress and just go on Tinder or wait until Fleet Week in New York. When the first date is all about sex; that’s just what it becomes.

3.      Eat like a lady, but not like a bird: The days are gone when a woman could only smile, sip her tea and eat a fig leaf on a date. Men like women who eat; you don’t order the Sloppy Joe.

4.      Drunkie-pants: It can make you nervous when meeting someone for the first time. Try to keep drinking to a minimal (Sorry Lindsey Lohan) and you won’t become a whacko, or loose.

5.      Dress barn: Dress to impress, not to audition for a porn film. Showing some leg is hot—but tits-out-to-there? A big no-no. If he’s seen the Promised Land; why would he buy when he could just squat?


Sunday, June 8, 2014

Top 12 Worst Things Gay Guys Do On First Dates.

There's a reason why they call them blind dates--you're usually blinded after they show up. Some people don't GET IT; so here's some tips on how to act right

1. Diarrhea Of The Mouth: Really, I don’t give hoot how hot, funny, cold, charismatic you’re Ex was, face it, he dumped your ass, move on and shut up about it!.

2. Gentlemen Gin: Please don't show up drunk, broke, or ask me how my family made money, or recall that the bar were in now; was the first place you had your first three-way. Baboons have more class.

3. Cheap Chuck: No coupons! Listen if you can’t afford to eat at a diner, maybe you should take your next date to a hot dog stand.

4. Woman To Man: Don’t tell me how you could be my woman in bed; dudes I have eyes and if I really want a chick I’ll get one without nose hair.

5. Perfume de Tears: If I was crying when you showed up, it wasn't just your looks; it was your perfume. Most men like men that smell masculine and not smell like a grandmother with a drinking problem.

6. Don't Be Late: Nothing proves how lazy and passé you are if you're late on the first date. Abs are hot; good manners are even hotter.

7. Hats Off! Don't wear a baseball hat on the first date. I want to see your face, and if you have on a bad wig. Also it shows that you're lazy and don't really care. If you can't put effort into the first date; why not give up online dating for awhile and get another cat?

8. Take It Slow Joe: You tell me on our first date that you want to take it slow; then after a glass of wine you hold my hand, invite me to meet your mom and ask the correct spelling of my last name to be included in your will (this is the worst one kids, because he says one thing and does another).

9. Tomato With Shoes: Most of us are not perfect, but if you can’t stuff yourself into a booth with me, don’t tell me you’re athletic on your profile, and for God’s sake, don’t wear red ever again!.

10. Effort Required: Men, I know you think you’re hot stuff, but please clean your mouth and cut your nails (and not in front of me, Mike!) before a date. Nothing is more of a turn off then nails that look like they picked your butt, after a hearty serving of 3 bean chili. Yuck.

11. Picture This!: Don't use an old photo Cupcake. I should have looked at the KISS 8-Track you were holding in the picture; but the 100 pounds you've gained? unforgivible.

12. Drag It Out: Unless you we're on RuPaul's Drag Race, don't show me a picture of you dressed as woman; it's the first date. I want to remember how sexy you are; not how ugly you looked in that orange dress.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Andy Cohen: Gay and Here to Stay.

When “Watch What Happens Live” premiered in 2009, it was just a little show on Bravo that aired once or twice a week to promote Bravo’s “Housewives” and “Top Chef” franchises and nothing more. Many in the industry didn’t think much of it. It barely got mentioned in the press or reviews. Then just like “Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer” something magical happened; Andy Cohen, with his “clubhouse” set, drunken guest and weird eyes that seem crossed at times did something unmanageable in these days of late night gab shows; he keeps you awake! I don’t want to go beddy bye after watching “Live,” I want to party with Andy and his guest.

Andy Cohen; for you feet lovers-you lil devils.
Unlike the coven of women who park their behinds on “The View” and seem lost at times; AC actually knows pop culture and who everyone is; He may have a sassy Jackee Harry on one week, followed by a confused Jerry Seinfeld the next; all are treated the same as AC can talk to anyone and make it interesting and funny. One of the great things about Bravo and why the network succeeds, it’s very interactive with fans. AC will take questions directly from Facebook andTwitter fans (if their interesting enough) to ask his guest; it makes for great TV as you never know how the question will be answered or mocked.

Some people really hate Andy Cohen. When telling a couple of friends I was writing an article about AC I was greeted with turned up noses; which surprises me but I would be a liar if I didn’t admit to hearing, “I hate that guy!” when AC is mentioned sometimes; maybe they’re just jealous and don’t get his pop culture references. On the other hand there are some people who want to bed him. Personally he's not my type (Sorry but thick grey hair on men makes me think of Bea Arthur; and I don't want to bed Bea Arthur!) I want to be his Andy's BFF, and I suspect besides his “young daddy” looks, a lot of people feel like they are letting a old friend, or more like a cool uncle (who’ll let you sip his beer) into their homes each night.

All those "club house" drinks didn't hurt Andy's bod.
Hopefully now that “Live” is a hit for Bravo it won’t lose its unpredictability; so our AC (who’s also an executive at the network) won’t have to change format to compensate some guest; or please some new “mom jeans” wearing creative head at Bravo.

So be damned I will admit it! Andy Cohen melts my margarine and makes me laugh out loud.

Andy Cohen's last book, "Most Talkative" debuted on The New York Time's top 10 list in it's first week on sale; go Andy!

Watch What Happens Live airs Sunday to Thursday on Bravo @ 11: pm eastern.

Sunday, June 1, 2014

I Want It All

   I WANT IT all. I’m greedy for love and the next lover who’ll give me butterflies and not indigestion. I’d like a new career; where I make more money and honestly enjoy what I do for a living. I want bars to be like they were back in the day, or like I think they were back in the day.

I want to able to smile at a stranger and when they don’t smile back, get over it and still smile at someone else because it’s a good feeling. I want to believe in government, and not feel like I need a long shower after politician talks on TV.

I want my dog to stay the same age and never get old and have to be put to sleep. I want people that have dogs in New York to be ashamed if they don’t pick up dog crap and not leave it for someone to step into. I’d like friends to agree with me and realize that I know it all. I want friends who have a 50/50 chance of telling someone off; this way when I do it, it’s not so shocking.

I want to eat a box of See’s chocolate a week and not put on any weight. I’d like my gym to make it mandatory for ugly people to keep their clothes on at all times in the locker-room. I want fat people to lose weight and skinny people to stop wearing skinny jeans.

I want rich people to stop getting better tax breaks then the middleclass. I’d like poor people who protest the rich; to at least get a decent hair cut, stop piercing things and throw out all their flannel shirts. I’d like the $99 cents store to only charge $99 cents, and not try to temp me with $2.99 lady bug picture frames.

I want it all. I’ll settle for second best. I’d never be happy with mediocrity.