Saturday, July 26, 2014

Fifty Shades of Grey Movie Trailer: Hot or Rot?

E.L. James’ campy novel Fifty Shades of Grey has finally come to the big screen, and here is the exclusive trailer for the film.

So far this film hasn’t got my knickers wet—yet, but I will say it’s great that they went with unknown actors. As Anastasia Steele, Dakota Johnson (Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson’s daughter) seems plausible as the young, naive little brat, who wants to take a walk on the wild side, but should try shampooing her hair first. Calvin Klein model Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey seems a little young for the role, but gives off enough heat to warm an Eskimo’s thighs.

I’ll have to see more of the film before I’d plop down my hard earned money to see it. I’ll admit I couldn’t get through the first book in the trilogy because instead of “rocking my world” it gave me “Anderson Cooper” giggles.

That said if you’re into this kind of reading, try the way superior S&M type books by Anne Rice (yes the vampire lady!) The Sleeping Beauty Trilogy. Also Anne Rice’s Exit to Eden book (not the movie—that was a joke) Also 9 & ½ Weeks, the movie and book are superb, and definitely written better than Fifty Shades.

Fifty Shades of Grey opens February 13, 2015. Just in time for you Valentine’s Day suckers.

Sunday, July 20, 2014

LaToya Jackson Engaged To Man With VERY Plucked Brows.

We all know LaToya Jackson (and most of the Jacksons) are nuttier than the Planter’s peanut factory, but her announcement that she is getting married to her longtime business partner Jeffre Phillips, has people scratching their heads and wondering if the famous glittery headbands LaToya wore in the 1980’s were too tight.

Rumors are Phillips is gayer than a Banana Spilt and many wonder if Jackson is na├»ve or just afraid to be alone. I never like to judge myself (well—moving on!)

Stevie Wonder himself, could just look at the pictures of Phillips, with plucked eye-brows like Joan Crawford and more make-up than a transvestite hooker—and could see that the man likes Adam, not Eve.
 Jackson, at 58 years-old should know better, but then again this is a woman who comes from a family who let their own brother, Michael, turn himself into a freak with mutable plastic surgeries, so I guess nothing is abnormal to her.

Jackson cooed in her wispy voice on ABC news that Jeffre gave her a massive 17.5 carat diamond engagement ring. Let’s hope when Jeffre is stuck at the “gym” or taking a “long walk” in the park, Jackson can hug her diamond when she’s sitting at the dinner table watching her food get cold and her self-respect evaporate.

Monday, July 14, 2014

Gay, Disabled & Doing Fine. A Hudson Taylor Interview.

Some of you may have seen Joey or a guy or girl like him on the street walking with a limp. Some of you might have even gawked at them. Others probably look away when they see them out of shame or fear. Well Joey, 27, and the thousands of other men and women like him don’t need your stares or sorrow for their affliction. What they do need is for you to see how normal and fun they are.

Joey got hit by a car at 17-years-old that left him with a permanent limp. Though slightly tarnished to some, Joey shines bright and shows his patience in answering my 9 questions. In my exclusive interview with him (love saying that!) we talked about everything from Twerking-to-Eleanor Roosevelt.
He is beyond awesome.

1.       Q: Dating is tough in New York no matter what, but having a disability, and being gay; is it harder to date?

A: It can definitely be harder. Having a more visual "disability" makes it is easier for people to draw quick conclusions about me and decide I'm not what they are looking for. The good thing is, the ones who think like that get weeded out pretty quick in the process. I've learned to not take it personal and realize it says more about who they are than a comment on who I am and what I'm worth.

2.      Can you Twerk?

A: (laughing) I sadly cannot twerk but now that I have health insurance it may be time to start practicing.

3.    You don’t identify as a nudist, but you’ve attended several nudist events like “nude camping,” this year. I was worried that you’d burn your Tater Tots. Are people ever shocked that you’re there?

A: (laughing hard) my tater tots remain just fine thanks. As for the nudist stuff, I've never had anyone be shocked that I am there. I think that's been one of the most liberating things about dabbling in that environment for me, is that we are all naked and exposed. Flaws and all. It tends to even the playing field a bit. 

4.       People sometimes assume you’re drunk because of your limp; any funny stories about this?

A: My favorite story of mistaken drunken-ness happened one St. Patrick's Day in NYC when a police officer tried to take me in for public intoxication when I was on my merry sober way to the subway. Long story short, I laughed, he laughed (albeit nervously,) and I got a police escort all the way home, and saved myself an hour commute!

5.       Any sex tips?

A: if you're partner is silent, you aren't doing it right.

6.       You’ve had a tough childhood (Joey is estranged from both of his parents) and I was blown away with how positive you are; any advice for us jaded and bitter?

A: I have my jaded and bitter days as well, I am a New Yorker after all...I think what has helped me work toward a more positive attitude, especially in regard to my past is simple: one's attitude and outlook on things is a matter of choice. Eleanor Roosevelt said it best when she declared, "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

7.       What’s the biggest misconception about someone with a disability?

A: The biggest misconception about the disabled person as I see it, is that we are weaker than, and more incapable than our more "abled" counterparts. I am by no means an expert on the collective disabled community but I believe it takes immense strength and character to continually face the challenges of a world that wasn't built for you and carve out an existence that is bold and dynamic. There are certainly those who have faced greater challenges than I, and I am constantly humbled and proud to be a part of the handi-CAPABLE community.

8.       How do you feel when people stare at you?

A: It depends on how and why they're staring. Most days I shrug it off because people will inevitably look and notice something that is different to them. If they are rude about it, then yea it tends to annoy me. I just repeat to myself again, it tells me more about who they are then it is a comment on myself.

9.       Anyone ever just tell you, “hurry the hell up!” when you’re walking with them?

A: That actually hasn't ever happened to me. I think if it did I'd probably end up walking even slower just to piss them off. 

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Top Rated Mystery Book for Summer. Only $1.99 on Kindle & Ipad.

In honor of Arrow star Colton Haynes birthday today (26) You can download The Priest Wore One Green Sock for $1.99! on Amazon today only. Hit this link: .

Part Kim Kardashian. Part Miss. Marple and 100% trouble, Meet Ethel Cunningham!

Who killed Father Moore? Sassy EC is on the case!

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Bar Etiquette For Dummies.

   Moms should have taught their sons and daughters how to act in a bar; but what did mom know? She thought wine from a box was high end. I know some will argue that drunks shouldn't be held responsible; I don’t agree; I will share 5 simple tips that bartenders have shared with me over this past month. You don't have to listen, but remember if you don't you could be sadly singing along to Pink's song, "U & Ur Hand." every night after last call.

1. Stumbling Suzy: I know, some people need liquid courage to hang in a bar; but you're not going to impress many when you’re wobbling about, spiting in my face when you talk; or dancing like a straight girl at a gay bar. A lady or gentlemen should know when to leave a party or a bar, dig? or at least read a book so you have something interesting to spray-I mean say.

2. Bar Flies: You see him. He looks at you. Sometimes people are just looking around; if you walk over to a guy or girl, and they look like they need to pass gas; their not into you Einstein, maybe it's your breath or that hump on your back that turned them her off; sometimes it could be your face, get over it, there's always someone else out there; walk on, please, really and for God's sake, buy a decent belt.

3. Your Tallness Is Covering My Beauty: Listen phone pole, i'm short like a lot of people in New York; the place isn't even crowded and you’re blocking my view by standing right in front of me with your Miller Light; and worse yet the view of me to the world; I'll say it nicely; please buzz of like a bastard father.

4. Restroom Rites: When i'm in line for the restroom next to you-Boo; please don't think I need to talk to your drunken ass. I know Boo; you’re from Jersey and having a great time; yes, thanks I know I’m looking good. No i'm sorry I don't want tell you where I live or what I do. Please shut up now because my too-tight-too expensive jeans are pushing those three margarita's out and I don't need conversation; I need relief, and maybe some toilet paper!

5. Eyeball Workout: When you like someone who attracts your libido or bank account; eye contact is always good. This will let you know right off if your conquest is interested; If they are; go get'em cowboy; if they don't look back or look at you with contempt before making out with some guy-back off; there's plenty more puppies in the puppy mill; for real.


Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Death Is Annoying.

Death is a bitch. We all lose it when one of our loved ones dies. When someone you love leaves this earth you are left with a missing piece of your heart that never heals.

I’m was trying to sleep last night, and couldn’t drift off to la-la land. For some reason I thought about death and how much I hate it. Of course we all hate death. (Unless you’re 23 and just married a 92-year-old) but I hate death in every aspect of life. Starting with friendships; we’ve all had those best friends with whom you couldn’t go a day without talking to, then suddenly because of something that happened or just how you’re lives changed—it’s no more and the friendship is dead.
When a favorite TV show of mine goes off the air I always feel remorse. Of course there are shows like The Simpsons which go on forever and you wish they would die. I love watching an old movie I’ve never seen and I always find myself looking up some of the actors; I always feel bad when I find out that they died young or were in constant direst.
Wouldn’t it be nice if my dog could live as long as me; flowers could stay bloomed all year round, and that damn produce that you bought on Monday wasn’t rotten by Wednesday?

Death is a part of life, and I except it and carry on. Still, even when an enemy dies I still feel bad and take a minute to remember them. We all go back into the earth one way or another but that never erases the energy we leave behind, and until it’s my time to go I will remember everything that has died before me.