Thursday, June 30, 2016

Why Am I So Damn Angry?


Why am I so damn angry? Strangers I don’t know, get on my nerves at the gym. Little dogs dressed in outfits make my stomach hurl. Neighbors who don’t know how to decorate, steams my broccoli. Men who kiss badly should be thrown in jail. People who talk at the movies or too loud on their cell phones should be tasered by the public.

Not everybody gets on my nerves, but a lot of people do. Sometimes I think of taking a yoga class or having one of those trendy spa enemas, that are supposed to calm you down, but I still haven’t done it, and probably never will.
When you live in a place like New York City, it’s easy to get annoyed with people. If the crowds, smell and expense doesn’t get you, surely dating here will send you into an early grave. Sometimes I wonder why I live here, and other times I have to admit I miss it when I’m gone from it.
Just the other day on the Today Show, the waxy host was getting wet talking about what Kanye West and Kim Kardashian named their kid; North West. I know most celebrities are attention whores, but why do most famous people have to name their kids after strippers?

Anger is interesting, people that hold it in scare me; people that let it out and go crazy really scare me. So what’s really the right way to be? I hate when some loser will say turn the other cheek; turn the other cheek and get your butt smacked I say.


Paula Dean said in her first television interview when addressing her use of the N word, “I is what I is, and I’m not changing.” It made me laugh, not only did she cry without tears, but she actually really just said, “this is me and I’m not changing; so fuck off, you ’all.” Which is a stupid PR move on her part, but I guess I’m like Paula in the way of, I Is What I Is, And I’m Not Changing.

In the end I’m not so angry; I laugh a lot, love easy, and sometimes hard. I’m happy and feel good about everything I have achieved in life, and though there’s more I want out of life I’m thankful, and excited for my next journey; just don’t get on my nerves.

 

Monday, June 13, 2016

Dateless Blunders and Other Wonders in Online Dating.




 Going through online profiles on websites like OkCupid or Match I’ve discovered that what most people write isn’t really what they mean. If one is to really believe most of what is written online you’d think every single person in the world is: laidback; very-good-looking; loves to travel and has the most ‘amazing’ friends in the universe.

So to help people out I’m going to explain what-the-hell people really mean when they say:

Laid Back: I’ll contact u first, but will be too lazy to follow-up later.
Love To Travel: Will never be free enough to make a connection, “you free in two months?” He will ask.

Not Looking For A Hook-up: ONLY looking to hook-up.

Not Judgmental: Totally judgmental (he’s judging you for even having an online profile)
My Friends Wrote This For Me: I’m a big pussy and won’t make a date with you unless my friends do it for me.

I’m A Nice Guy: I’m really a bastard.

Very Good-looking: Sometimes they are attractive, but mostly they’re not; either way, do you really want someone who is in love with themselves only?